The Hip Hop Nutcracker | 2022 Christmas Movies

Way back in 2016, we went to see the live production of The Hip Hop Nutcracker. This year, Disney+ has released a movie version of the stage show.

Maria-Clara (Caché Melvin) is upset that her parents, Mom (Allison Holker Boss) and Dad (Stephen “tWitch” Boss), aren’t getting along. Thanks to some magic from Drosselmeyer (Comfort Fedoke), Maria-Clara goes back in time with the Nutcracker (Du-Shant “Fik-shun” Stegall) to the night her parents fell in love to figure out how to get them back together.

I loved The Hip Hop Nutcracker stage show. It is an innovative way to bring life to a ballet from the 1890s. They obviously had to make some changes in order to bring it to the small screen and make sure the audience understood what was going on. One of the biggest changes was adding Rev Run from RUN DMC as a rapping narrator. Usually the dancing speaks for itself in The Nutcracker. No one talks the audience through the plot. While I, personally, would have preferred leaving out the narrator, I understand that the point is to bring the show to the masses who may need a little extra help to follow the plot. Thankfully, Rev Run helped write his raps so he was able to put his own flavor in the role. It worked out well.

The best part of Disney having a hand in the movie version of The Hip Hop Nutcracker is that they have the money to bring in some big-wigs in the dance community. We have Stephen “tWitch” Boss and his wife, Allison Holker Boss, as Dad and Mom, Tiler Peck as a ballerina toy that Drosselmeyer brings to life, JabbaWockeez as Snowflakes, Mikhail Baryshnikov as the King of Snow, and Alex Wong as a Candy Cane Dancer. It was truly amazing to see these talented dancers perform on the small screen. I gasped every time a new routine appeared.

I definitely think The Hip Hop Nutcracker is something worth watching. If you are someone who is bored by classical ballet, this will bring you the story in a new, refreshing way. And you’ll get to see some of the best dancers perform without leaving your couch. Then maybe, if the tour is coming to your area, you’ll want to go see it live. It really is a wonderful show.

Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special | 2022 Christmas Movies

I normally don’t do holiday specials or things like that in my Christmas reviews. However, I was really looking forward to The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special so I felt I needed to review it.

Kraglin (Sean Gunn) tells Mantis (Pom Klementieff) and Drax (Dave Bautista) about a time that Yondu (Michael Rooker) ruined Christmas for Peter (Chris Pratt). Wanting to make Christmas special for Peter this year, Mantis and Drax travel to Earth to bring back Kevin Bacon as a present.

Most of this holiday special is Mantis and Drax cavorting around Los Angeles looking for Kevin Bacon. There were some really funny moments. The aliens stumbling onto the Chinese Theater, where tourists frequently flock to get pictures with people dressed up as characters, and ending up with a ton of people wanting to take pictures with them? Pretty epic. I also loved Mantis yelling at Drax every time Drax tried to use violence as a solution to a problem. She was usually rather meek in previous movies so it was nice to see her be a little more forceful.

One of the things I didn’t like about the special is that it felt like I was missing something when it started. Well, it started as an animation, which I didn’t expect but when it changed over to live action, I felt a little lost. We have watched all of the MCU films/shows to date so there is no reason for me to feel like I’m missing information. The other thing I didn’t like was the look of Groot (Vin Diesel). I’m not exactly sure how old he’s supposed to be but the treeman looks like he’s been taking steroids or something. His torso is bulky but his head is way smaller. I don’t like it.

If you are a fan of Guardians of the Galaxy (GoG), obviously you’ll watch the holiday special. You might be a little lost if you haven’t watched GoG vol 2, Avengers: Infinity War, and Avengers: Endgame. But if you are up to date on all of the MCU movies, this should be a good time for you.

My Favorite Christmas Tree | 2022 Christmas Movies

A Christmas tree farm and genealogy. Get it? My Favorite Christmas Tree. The green things that we decorate in December and a family tree. So funny. Ha ha.

Kyla (Emma Johnson) is a historical researcher who focuses on genealogy. She travels to Conifer to research a Christmas tree farm run by Joel (Giles Panton) and to figure out some missing pieces of her own family’s history.

My Favorite Christmas Tree is so slow and boring. So much of it relies on doing research and there aren’t too many good ways to make research interesting. I normally love movies that don’t revolve around the romance between the main characters. The problem is that this movie doesn’t do anything to fill that empty space. If you aren’t going to focus on the romance, you have to add something interesting to keep people’s attention. Talking about land history or the genetic makeup of trees is not interesting.

Of course I am saying to stay away from My Favorite Christmas Tree. I’m hoping that Great American Family can come up with some better Christmas movies soon. The Candace Cameron Bure and Danica McKellar movies are on the roster for next week. Hopefully they will be better than the crap we have seen lately.

Christmas Lucky Charm | 2022 Christmas Movies

I’m pretty sure that the woman who write Christmas Lucky Charm hates women. Or, at the very least, has a very low opinion of women.

Jessica (Sugenja Sri) runs her own bakery. For the past three years, she has been baking Christmas wedding cakes for her ex-boyfriends. Apparently, the new brides have been calling her a Christmas lucky charm. After she breaks up with a man, he will meet the love of his life before Christmas that year. With the help of gallery owner, Mitch (Adrian Spencer), Jessica hopes to break the tradition.

Ugh. This movie. In all of these ex-boyfriend scenarios, Jessica is the one that has ended the relationship. Why would it be so surprising that men who are looking for a commitment would find a new lasting relationship? Jessica wasn’t upset with the situation until she was told that the brides called her a good luck charm. Which makes it sound like men are going to want to date her solely so she can break up with them. Which, ew. This whole premise is stupid.

In addition to that, both the characters themselves and the acting in Christmas Lucky Charm are terrible. The actors say their lines as if they have never spoken to anyone before. Everything sounds extremely unnatural. And the characters? I’m positive they are all made out of cardboard. The most boring kind of cardboard there is.

Seriously, don’t watch Christmas Lucky Charm. UPtv seems to have a strange taste in movies. Most of them aren’t completely terrible but then you have things like this. Can we raise the bar just a little on Christmas romance movies? Please? Just having a person of color in a lead role isn’t nearly enough. The movies themselves need to be better.

Long Lost Christmas | 2022 Christmas Movies

I was hoping that we would be able to continue the small streak of good Christmas movies. Sadly, Long Lost Christmas ruined it.

Haley (Taylor Cole) is an interior designer whose father recently passed away. Her mother, Patricia (Jacqueline Ann Steuart), is depressed and alone. Haley decides to find her long lost brother, Gordon (Grant Vlahovic), who Patricia hasn’t seen since she was a little girl.

The most annoying thing about this movie is that it could have been solved with one simple question that Haley never bothers to ask. Haley seriously should have just let her friend, Sarah (Stefania Indelicato), do all the work. I understand driving to the town Gordon is currently living to ask questions in person since it is a delicate situation but then all she does the entire time is beat around the bush. Just walk in and say “Hey, I know this is really weird but my mother, Patricia, got separated from her older brother when she was little. Some things kinda match up with things I read about you so I was wondering if maybe you were her brother Gordon.” Instead Haley asks weird random questions: Do you have any brothers or sisters - if someone hasn’t seen their only sibling in like 50 years, why would they tell a stranger about it. What was she expecting? “Well, yeah, I had a sister but I left her in a foster home after I aged out of the system.”

Then Long Lost Christmas shoehorns in this romance with Gordon’s business partner, Blake (Benjamin Ayers). It’s a terrible romance. The entire thing seems based on Haley spending one more day in a town that she only intended to spend half a day in to begin with! I really hate this movie.

No, don’t watch Long Lost Christmas. Maybe stay away from the whole Movies & Mysteries channel from Hallmark. They don’t seem to do anything well.

Santa Bootcamp | 2022 Christmas Movies

Rita Moreno is an absolute legend. Even if Santa Bootcamp sucked, I would tell you to watch it for her. But this is the only Lifetime Christmas movie that has made me cry. Let me tell you why.

Emily (Emily Kinney) is an event planner tasked with planning a very special, very elite Christmas gala for mall magnate Ed Mancini (Patrick Cassidy). In an attempt to find the perfect Santa for the party, Emily attends a Santa Bootcamp run by Belle (Rita Moreno). There she meets Aidan (Justin Gaston), a chef who helps her find her Christmas spirit.

As I said, this movie made me cry. Not because it’s sentimental or anything like that. But because Emily speaks American Sign Language. Mostly to her mother, Olive (Deanne Bray), but the scene that got me was Emily talking with a deaf child, Charlotte (Zyra Singleton), in a toy store. I have never seen a Christmas movie that featured ASL as heavily as Santa Bootcamp. Can you imagine how seen a deaf person feels watching a movie where not one but three characters (four, if you count the little ASL Moreno speaks at the end) are fluent in ASL? That is what made me cry.

The rest of the movie is just as beautiful. The costumes and decorations are breath-taking. Thankfully, they cast extremely talented actors in the lead roles. There isn’t any part of this movie that is bad. And I can’t tell you how happy I am that Santa Bootcamp was so good.

Put another hashmark in the Win column. Santa Bootcamp is definitely a movie you should watch. Then tell all your friends to watch it. The more people we get to enjoy movies with diverse characters and storylines, the more of those movies we’ll get to see. Let Hallmark and Lifetime know this is what we want.

Three Wise Men and a Baby | 2022 Christmas Movies

Hallmark took three of their Christmas leading men and cast them all in one movie as brothers. Three Wise Men and a Baby is the updated Christmas version of 1987’s Three Men and a Baby. Does it live up to the awesomeness of the original? Maaaybe…

Luke (Andrew Walker) is a firefighter. A few days before Christmas, a baby is left at the firehouse with a note asking Luke to look after him. So Luke brings the baby home to his mother, Barbara (Margaret Colin), and brothers, Stephan (Paul Campbell) and Taylor (Tyler Hynes). When their mother has to leave town to care for her sister for a few days, the brothers are left home alone to take care of the baby and prepare the house for Christmas. Chaos!

I was pleasantly surprised about how much I liked this movie. It was written by Paul Campbell and Kimberley Sustad (who makes a cameo appearance as an ER doctor), who also wrote 2020’s Christmas By Starlight. They were able to make each of the brothers completely different people while still allowing them the room to be brothers and have an emotional connection. I loved how the brothers interacted, especially with the baby. Oh, and their Nutcracker dance is to die for.

Yes, I think you should watch Three Wise Men and a Baby. The romance is kinda tacked on at the end but I think that makes this movie even more special. It isn’t about romantic relationships. It’s about repairing past family traumas and reconnecting with brothers. These are things that the holidays really should be about. Not finding your True Love.

Christmas In Pine Valley | 2022 Christmas Movies

When I first starting writing these Christmas reviews so long ago, I decided that the MarVisa Entertainment production company was my nemesis. They make a lot of awful Christmas movies. I hadn’t noticed their company logo lately so I thought maybe they gave up. I was wrong. Their movies are still bad but either they aren’t as bad as they used to be or I have grown more tolerant of them. I hope it’s not the latter.

Natalie (Kristina Cole) runs a family Christmas tree farm/home goods store. When she lands a large order from Mr. Prentice (John McKerrow), she is forced to pretend that the company is owned by blood relations or she risks losing the order. In addition, magazine journalist Josh (Andrew Biernat) wants to write an extremely truthful article on the company. Can Natalie and the gang pull off pretending to be a real family instead of a chosen family?

Christmas In Pine Valley is, and I am not kidding about this, the stupidest Christmas movie I have seen this season. Mr. Prentice insists on only buying from family-run companies. He admits that he cancels orders if he finds out the companies are not run by actual family members. Then he places an order for 500(!) pieces of their soap, candles, handmade wooden ornaments, and essential oils. Does he really think a small family-run company has the capacity to make 500 pieces of product in just a few days? Or that their company wouldn’t be completely ruined if he cancelled the order after they already started production? Yet at no point is he made out to be the villain in the story.

In addition, we have stupid Josh. He randomly shows up on their doorstep without calling ahead to schedule a time to talk to the family about his article. Then he follows them around, even after they tell him how busy they are. And he has the gall to tell Natalie that he’ll write a bad article if he finds out that they aren’t a family?

Apparently none of these people know about branding. They straight up say the farm was started in 1937. The people that originally owned that farm would either be very elderly or dead in 2022. Even if they left the farm to their children and those children left the farm to their children, they would need more than only their relatives to run the farm. It’s unreasonable to think that everyone in a company with “Family” in the name are actual blood family members.

Absolutely do not watch Christmas In Pine Valley. As a matter of fact, don’t watch anything from MarVista Entertainment. I think I might boycott them again.

The Holiday Swap | 2022 Christmas Movies

It isn’t too often that I see Christmas movies aired that need to be censored. UPtv censored the word ‘pissed’ twice in The Holiday Swap. I guess this shows that UPtv buys movies that sound like they fit the channel’s demographic instead of creating their own, like Hallmark.

On her way to visit her friend, Lara (Vanessa Jackson), Ally (Alex Paxton-Beesley) accidentally picks up the wrong piece of luggage on the airplane. Without her cell phone charger or laptop, Ally tries to figure out the identity of the mysterious writer who owns the luggage in her possession.

Before we even get a title card, we are met with Chapter One: Her. I found it an intriguing way to begin a movie. Unfortunately, her side of the story is so boring. Mostly because every Ally is stonewalled every time she tries to find the luggage’s owner. She goes to the one store in town to get a new charger for her phone - apparently they only have 10+ year old chargers. She tries to call the publisher to get in contact with the writer, MA Turner - the receptionist hangs up on her instead of taking down her information. There was literally no headway made in the search. It was so freaking annoying.

The Chapter Two: Him side was a little more interesting. I won’t spoil the review by telling you who the writer is, even though it is fairly obvious. And we don’t get a good reason for why he won’t tell anyone else who he is. It’s just like “My family was mean to me when I was younger and did artistic things.” Dude, you’re an adult. Get over it. Also, he had $100,000 advance on his next book. Why doesn’t anyone wonder where he suddenly got all this money from? IT MAKES NO SENSE.

My suggestion is to stay away from this one. Unless you really want to see ‘pissed’ be censored. I thought that was the best part of the movie. It apparently doesn’t take much to make me laugh.

A Country Christmas Harmony | 2022 Christmas Movies

Another Christmas movie about a singer. This really must be the popular career for this year’s movies. This time we’re going country with A Country Christmas Harmony.

Chrissy Kessler (Brooke Elliott) is a country music star. However, her latest single, a Christmas song called Reindeer Slay, didn’t do very well. So her manager, Carole (Nikki Crawford), sends Chrissy and her assistant, Eugene (Danny Pintauro), to Chrissy’s hometown for a big Christmas concert where she will debut a new Christmas song. When they arrive, they run into Chrissy’s ex-boyfriend and ex-songwriter, Luke (Brandon Quinn). Old feelings reemerge as they try to write a new song together.

Sadly, A Country Christmas Harmony was pretty boring. There were no real conflicts in the movie. The only “conflict” was an extremely stupid scene where another country singer, Brad Love (Bradley Dadds), shows up with roses for Chrissy to talk about doing a duet. Luke storms off even though there is zero appearance of any sort of attraction between Chrissy and Brad. And that is the only scene Brad is in. If they had dragged this out, like maybe Brad arrived a few days earlier and was following Chrissy around, I could see how Luke might think they were an item. But I don’t think this scene lasted fifteen minutes. It was dumb.

The only good thing I could say about the movie is that it had a lot of music. It wasn’t great music but it was music. A lot of movies about singers usually have one or two songs and that is it. We heard at least parts of four different songs here.

Honestly, I would skip A Country Christmas Harmony. Unless you need something to help you fall asleep. It might be good for that.