The Holiday Proposal Plan | 2023 Christmas Movies

So, um, I don’t have an opening for The Holiday Proposal Plan. The title tells you what is going to happen. Let’s just get on with it.

Sonny (Tatyana Ali) is a travel columnist. When her best friend, Bree (Whitney Able), worries that her boyfriend, Jarod (Geovanni Gopradi), isn’t going to propose to her, Sonny teams up with her ex-boyfriend, Kip (Jesse Kove), to make the proposal happen.

The writers tried to make this plot more interesting by basing the entire scheme to get Jarod to propose around a worldwide vacation that Jarod and Bree were supposed to take. However, they just barely touch on any of the various traditions they were celebrating AND they chose all of the traditions that revolved around getting engaged or “choosing your prince.” If I was Jarod, I would have known what was up on day one and left. Not to mention, why would you want to get engaged to someone who doesn’t want to get engaged to you? Jarod and Bree obviously needed to work some things out. I don’t think they needed four friends to plan out engagement activities to hint that they should get engaged. This plot would have felt less icky if it were the guys planning all of these things in order to have a “cool” proposal while the women tried to figure out which of the guys wanted to propose. (Yes, Sonny and Kip are broken up in the beginning but they also bring in Jonathan (Mike Heslin) and Victor (Michael Sasaki) who are a couple but I don’t think are married.)

Rating: Even the worldwide trip sounded boring

The Secret Gift Of Christmas | 2023 Christmas Movies

I think The Secret Gift Of Christmas is the only personal shopper Christmas movie this year. There were a few last year and it makes me wonder if this is going to be an ongoing job trope for Christmas movies or if they will run out of steam.

Bonnie (Meghan Ory) is a professional personal shopper. She gets hired by Patrick (Christopher Russell) to handle all of his Christmas shopping this year. As she learns more about his friends and family, Bonnie gets closer to Patrick himself.

At first, I wasn’t sure what to think of this movie. While Bonnie was a great personal shopper, she did seem a little too into outward appearances. Which is weird because she was able to pick the perfect gifts for her various clients’ recipients and they were all very thoughtful gifts. Once Bonnie got over things like how Patrick dresses, the movie got a lot better. I found myself hoping that Bonnie and Patrick would get together, even though they were definitely going to get together. It wouldn’t be a Hallmark movie if they didn’t.

Rating: I’ll take the Music On Ice tickets!

Heaven Down Here | 2023 Christmas Movies

We’re back to Hallmark Movies & Mysteries channel, which isn’t normally very religious. Heaven Down Here has changed that.

Imani (Krystal Joy Brown) is a single mother working as a waitress as a diner. When she gets called in at the last minute on Christmas Eve, she spends the night with a group of lonely people stuck in the diner due to a major snowstorm.

Heaven Down Here was such a slow movie. Since it was about the connections between people and their families, there were a lot of flashbacks. In addition, every person had a story to tell on top of it. Movies that are based on songs really don’t have anything substantial to keep the plot driving forward. Instead, we’re stuck with a bunch of separate stories smashed together in a diner setting. And the stories were so slow that this movie felt about an hour too long. I wanted better for it.

Rating: I might have braved the snowstorm to get away from these people

Yes Chef! Christmas | 2023 Christmas Movies

As we’re heading toward the end of the Christmas movie season, Lifetime only has a few more movies on their docket. Yes Chef! Christmas is the beginning of the end.

Alicia (Tia Mowry) is a self-taught chef who gets nominated to compete in The Kringle Cook-Off. Her mentor is Logan (Luke Humphrey), a self-involved chef that doesn’t like Christmas. Together, they try to come up with the perfect Christmas meal to submit for the contest.

Tia Mowry has become something of a Christmas movie staple. While her movies aren’t always amazing, they do usually cover interesting topics. The plot of chefs trying to figure out a Christmas theme isn’t new but the subplot of Alicia trying to find her birth parents made the story a little more interesting. As is typical with Lifetime movies, I would have preferred a little more time spend on the subplot but these type of movies rarely want to dive deeper into that territory. In the end, this movie is fine. There’s nothing awful about it but there’s nothing to keep the audience going either. A good background noise movie.

Rating: Can I have just a little sweet potato casserole?

Peppermints and Postcards | 2023 Christmas Movies

Great American Family isn’t known for great movies. Peppermints and Postcards may be their one saving grace this year.

Cara (Ella Cannon) is a divorced mother without a boyfriend, unlike her ex-husband. Her 9-year old daughter, Megan (Amelia Harrison), writes a letter to Santa asking for her mom to find love. When the letter gets uploaded to social media, it goes viral. Chet Williams (Christopher Russell), a local television reporter, picks up her story and broadcasts it to the country. Will Chet be able to help Cara find love for Christmas?

As I said, Great American Family doesn’t usually put out great movies. And this movie isn’t great but it is rather good. It’s much better than the stuff they usually put out. Russell is charming as Chet and Cannon is sweet as Cara. The dates that Cara goes on are pretty realistic, especially for a Christmas movie. This isn’t something I would watch more than once but I enjoyed the time I did spend on it.

Rating: But where are the peppermints?

Round And Round | 2023 Christmas Movies

Every year, Hallmark releases one Hanukkah movie. This year it is Round And Round.

It is night seven of Hanukkah. Rachel (Vic Michaelis) is going to her parents’ Hanukkah/anniversary party. At the party, her grandmother gives her a dreidel to use in the cousins game. After spinning the toy, Rachel gets stuck in a time loop, reliving day seven over and over.

Frequently, Hallmark’s Hanukkah movies are my favorite of the season. And this year is no different. We’ve seen a lot of time loop movies that use the same tired old tropes. The big difference in Round And Round is that Rachel doesn’t rely on herself to figure out how to end the loop. Not only does she use love interest, Zach (Bryan Greenberg), she also uses his friend, Seth (Amitai Marmorstein). As the nerdy characters, they bring forth all of their pop culture knowledge to figure out which time loop story will solve her problem. It brings a different sort of camaraderie that we don’t see too often. I thought it made the movie quite enjoyable.

Rating: I would live in that time loop. More donuts please!

Meet Me Under The Mistletoe | 2023 Christmas Movies

We’re heading back over to Great American Family for Meet Me Under The Mistletoe, a movie about realtors. While there has been quite a few real estate-related Christmas movies, they are usually pretty terrible. Let’s hope for the best.

Eva (Sarah Fisher) is an up-and-coming realtor who has been succeeding at selling condos quickly. When Frank (Paul Essiembre) and Kelly Greer (Jan Skene) decide to sell their house by Christmas, they choose both Eva and her rival, Jeff (Simon Arblaster), to list the house together.

Usually, in these movies, the lead characters’ career paths define who they are. In this case, Eva wrote a novel and only went into real estate because it didn’t sell. And Jeff is an amazing artist who only uses his talent as gifts for his clients. These two side plots aren’t part of the main story but they are important character traits. I actually wish the real estate part of the story didn’t exist and this was about a writer and an artist connecting. It would have been more interesting.

With that said, the actual realtor part of the movie is bland. It takes up a good part of the beginning of the movie but once they get the house staged, it mostly disappears. Eva and Jeff spend time going to the Christmas festival and falling in love. Which is fine but, again, we could have just gotten rid of the real estate aspect and the movie would have been better.

Rating: Can I get a ticket to ScienceCon? (So I don’t have to be here)

Silent Night, Fatal Night | 2023 Christmas Movies

Lifetime Movie Network, different from the Lifetime channel itself, is running a series of thriller movies and series they are calling Slay Bells. The new movie in this series is Silent Night, Fatal Night. I’m not quite sure what to make of it.

Mallory (Alex Camacho) is the writer of a popular mystery series featuring female detective Gideon. After her most recent release, Mallory has decided to retire Gideon to focus on a new project. However, her literary author, Michael (Matthew Pohlkamp), has already accepted an advance from her publisher for a new Gideon book. In order to get the new book, Michael fakes Mallory’s death and kidnaps her to his mountain house so she can write a new Gideon book.

I’m not going to lie. There are a lot of plot holes in this movie. Mallory’s reported death was extremely fast. Supposedly, Michael “found” the body but there weren’t any police reports or anything since there was no actual body. Also, Michael had told Mallory to go to his mountain house to relax. We see Michael on his phone in his office while Mallory is on the landline at the house. Then immediately Mallory is chloroformed and knocked out. Yet, when she wakes up, we see that Michael is the bad guy. He must travel at lightspeed.

And those are only some of the plot holes. If you can overlook those and you are into super cheesy thrillers, you might enjoy this. Otherwise, it’s just another dumb movie on the list.

Rating: More Carrie, less Michael

Christmas On Cherry Lane | 2023 Christmas Movies

I think that Hallmark Channel has a couple of movies featuring LGTBQ+ couples in lead roles. And I believe Christmas On Cherry Lane is the first of the season.

In 1973, 1999, and 2023, three very different couples are getting ready to celebrate Christmas in the same house on Cherry Lane.

I didn’t really want to give away the fact that they are all in the same house but the movie does tell you that pretty quickly. Not immediately but within the first 15 minutes or so.

Anyway, I really loved this movie a lot. Every little twist and turn had me smiling. This may actually be the first Hallmark Christmas movie that brought tears to my eyes. Christmas On Cherry Lane isn’t about finding love or wooing the girl. It’s about family and connections. How things that happen to us in our life can affect other people’s lives in the future that we may never even think about. Cherry Lane really is the sweetest Christmas movie I have ever seen. A must watch, especially if you can watch it with family.

Rating: Can I buy the house on Cherry Lane?

A Cowboy Christmas Romance | 2023 Christmas Movies

Lifetime’s A Cowboy Christmas Romance has blown up the internet. It is the first cable Christmas movie with a sex scene. Well, OK, it’s not really a sex SCENE but the main couple definitely has sex. It’s a spicy, spicy Christmas movie!

Lexie (Jana Kramer) is a real estate agent who is good at closing sales. She lands a job back in her Arizona hometown convincing the cowboy next door to sell his ranch to a developer. But coming home also opens up some deep family drama that has been stewing for over a decade.

First things first - If you are looking for a Christmassy Christmas movie, this isn’t it. There are a few mentions of the holiday but it doesn’t mean anything to the plot. Now, talking about the plot. This was actually a really good movie. It was written by Sarah Drew, who we have seen in some Christmas movies before. All of the characters felt like real people doing real things and saying things that real people say. That is a rarity for a Christmas movie. And most of these people already had relationships with each other before the movie started so we didn’t need to try to figure out why the woman suddenly fell in love with a man she just met. These are people that have been apart for a long time due to past traumas and are now reconnecting. It made for a really good story.

Rating: Ride this cowboy