Christmas Time | 2023 Christmas Movies

Christmas Time is another 2023 movie that I only caught because I was scrolling through FreeVee looking for movies. This means I don’t have a lot of information about the movie, of course.

Kevin Snowdon (Neil James) is a physics teacher that does not enjoy Christmas. Every year, he takes his family on a skiing vacation to escape the holiday. This year, however, there was a mix-up with the reservations and the family ended up in Lapland, a Christmas tourist destination.

The first part of the movie is quite dull. And it’s not because Kevin doesn’t like Christmas. It’s because he’s just bland about it all. Except for a few scenes where he seems angry that people are dressed in Christmas attire, he’s mostly walking around without any real personality. It isn’t until the family gets to Lapland that he starts to show who he is a bit more. And it really isn’t until The Santa Trip that he starts to come to life. To be honest, Santa’s workshop/house/village is the best part of the whole movie. I wish the writers devoted a little more time to the scenes there.

Sadly, that means that this isn’t a movie that I can recommend to everyone. This is for someone who is looking for a Christmas movie that has zero romance in it (except for a teenage crush) and wants to see a grumpy man find the Christmas spirit. Though there are better movies that this that accomplish that. It upsets me because Christmas Time could have been much better if they put a little more effort into it.

Rating: Can I be an elf?

Genie | 2023 Christmas Movies

Now we’re moving over to Peacock for Genie starring Melissa McCarthy. My first wish is that this movie will be good.

Bernard (Papa Essiedu) is a workaholic at an auction house. When he misses his daughter’s 8th birthday, his wife Julie (Denée Benton) leaves him. As he wanders around his empty apartment, he dusts off an old jewelry box, releasing a genie named Flora (McCarthy). Can Flora help Bernard get his family back?

So…there is nothing new in this movie. This is basically Disney’s Aladdin but boring. Aladdin had the amazing Robin Williams to keep the comedy flowing. McCarthy is just not that funny. All of the jokes not only land flat, they create crators where they are dropped. In the worst move of all, they cast Alan Cumming, who is so good at comedic acting, as Bernard’s boss. He should be the big bad guy. But we only see him twice. (I poked into this film’s Wikipedia page. It turns out this is a remake of a 1991 BBC film where Cumming played Bernard. What should have been an homage was a terrible use of a talented actor.)

There are a million things you could do with a movie about a genie. Instead, we keep getting the same old story over and over again. This is, honestly, sadder than any of the Hallmark Christmas movies.

Rating: I wish I didn’t watch it

A Perfect Christmas Pairing | 2023 Christmas Movies

Most of the movies going forward are going to be from various streaming platforms. A Perfect Christmas Pairing aired on FreeVee, an Amazon video app.

Grace Cooke (Ansley Gordon) is a chef who desperately wants to get a Michelin star. After a bad review, she goes home to her family’s winery for the holidays. There she meets Asher (Chris Connell), a travel journalist who doesn’t stay in the same place for very long.

This was a dumb movie. From the characters laughing (over a laughtrack) to the stupidest jokes to Grace feeling the need to explain “Behind” to Asher when she walked behind him (“it’s restaurant speak for ‘I’m walking behind you’”) to the fact that no one has life behind their eyes. It is all just so terrible. And even the main conflict - a woman coming into town to try to buy up all of the companies? - makes no sense and is no actual threat to anything since no one wants to sell. They act like she can just give them money and that means they sold their property, even if they don’t want to. Maybe FreeVee isn’t the place to go for movies.

Rating: Take two ideas that have nothing to do with each other and try to smash them together

Your Christmas Or Mine 2 | 2023 Christmas Movies

Last year, we saw Asa Butterfield and Cora Kirk in Amazon Prime’s Your Christmas Or Mine?. This year there is a sequel: Your Christmas Or Mine 2. Do we think it will do the original justice?

James (Butterfield) and Hayley (Kirk) are going on a Christmas skiing vacation in Austria with both of their families. Of course things get a little mixed up at first but they are quickly resolved. However, can their families really spend this much time together and not argue?

The first movie was cute. This movie wasn’t as cute. Instead of the movie being about showing James and Hayley how the other grew up and spent their lives, all we see is a rich family upset that they are in “poor people” accommodations while the middle class family parties it up in the “rich people” resort. It felt less like seeing the other side of the tracks and more like taking advantage of an obvious mistake. And, once again, the conflicts could have been solved by having simple conversations throughout the trip. Instead, they don’t say anything and just blow up at the end. I know this is a Christmas movie but it feels like a couple that is going to get married then get divorced pretty quickly.

Rating: Watch the first but not the second

A Royal Christmas Holiday | 2023 Christmas Movies

We’re rounding out the last of the 2023 Christmas movies from Hallmark, Lifetime, and Great American Family with GAF’s A Royal Christmas Holiday. Don’t worry, I still have a few more movies to round out the year. I have some from Netflix, Amazon Prime, Roku, and FreeVee. Plenty to get us to the new year.

Katie (Brittany Underwood) works for a television station. While she is on the air, she only reads public service announcements. She wants to do something more. When the station’s most popular host goes on vacation, Katie gets the chance to try to interview Prince Jonathan (Jonathan Stoddard) from Visaria, who never gives out interviews. Will Katie find more than her big break with this royal?

Yeah, this was a pretty boring movie. There wasn’t a ton of interviewing done. Even though Katie had to convince Jonathan to let her film them on her phone as they hung out, the only time she actually filmed him was during a sit-down interview at her parents’ house. She took a bunch of pictures but that doesn’t actually help a video interview. The pair falling in love was boring too. Jonathan obviously fell in love at first sight but I’m not sure that Katie actually liked the guy. It was all just so boring.

Rating: No wonder there’s only one flight every year from Visaria

Mom's Christmas Boyfriend | 2023 Christmas Movies

Lifetime’s Mom’s Christmas Boyfriend is very similar to this year’s Peppermints and Postcards from Great American Family. Let’s see if Lifetime could do better than “meh.”

Emma (Jeananne Goossen) is a single mom to her adopted daughter, Lily (Ai Barrett). While shopping for their annual charity, Lily enters the department store’s Christmas Wish contest. She wins with a wish that her mother could find a boyfriend. With the help of store employees Zach (Zach Smadu) and Brady (Chris Wilson), Emma goes on a variety of dates with Clark (Anthony Bewlz), a bachelor that responded to the store’s call for men to date Emma. But is Clark really right for her?

This movie focused a lot more on the kid than Peppermints did. Which is great. Frequently, a child is the centerpiece in a single mother’s life and when single mothers date, they look for someone who will accept her child not just put up with them. It was really nice to see Zach spending a lot of time with Lily while Clark solely focused on Emma. I think it was a nice change from all of the movies that treat children as some sort of extra piece in their families instead of an actual family member.

Rating: Can Emma teach me to bake bread?

Miracle In Bethlehem PA | 2023 Christmas Movies

I live about an hour from Bethlehem, PA. When I saw that there was a Christmas movie called Miracle In Bethlehem, PA, I was intrigued. It wasn’t actually filmed in Bethlehem, of course. It was filmed in Canada. Ah well.

Mary Ann (Laura Vandervoort) is a lawyer who is waiting to adopt a baby. After months of waiting, a baby in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania becomes available. Mary Ann drives to pick her up but gets stranded in Bethlehem due to a severe snowstorm. With no room in any of the local hotels, the new mom and her baby end up staying with Joe (Benjamin Ayres), a mechanic who has lost direction in his life since his father’s death.

While I understand that this movie was supposed to be an analog to the story of Jesus, it was a little offensive that a white woman so intent on adoption was insisting on adopting a baby. There are a lot of children in the system and, as they get older, it’s harder and harder for them to get adopted because people only want to adopt babies. Maybe we don’t normalize only adopting babies.

Obviously, since this is the story of Jesus, it is very heavy handed with its use of God and church. It’s a little annoying but, considering Jesus was the point of the movie, it’s understandable. It does make it a little less appealing to certain demographics though. Or maybe this was Hallmark’s way of saying they haven’t completely dumped God for LGBTQ+ stories.

Rating: At least it’s not a manger

Merry Magic Christmas | 2023 Christmas Movies

The Lifetime movies are the ones that I go into with the least amount of knowledge. There better be some magic in Merry Magic Christmas or I will be mad.

Beth (Patricia Isaac) is a financial advisor who has been tasked to help a local theater survive an impending financial crisis. Nate (Andrew Dunbar) happens to run the theater and he’s terrible at finances. At dinner at a Chinese restaurant with her best friend Coley (Corey Woods), Beth’s fortune cookie tells her to keep an eye out for 624, a special angel number. Can Beth survive being inundated by 624 and save the theater at the same time?

The biggest thing that annoyed me about this movie is Nate. Every time Beth tries to tell him that the theater will close unless they can raise the funds to cover their bills, Nate just shrugs and says it will work out. He doesn’t want to sell memorabilia from past shows; he doesn’t really want to ask patrons to donate money; he thinks the money will magically appear for no reason at all. I used to work in the theater. I have family that works in the theater. Theater people are not like that. Theater people will do whatever they need to in order to keep their art going. I hate Nate a lot.

If we look past him (which is difficult since he’s the romantic lead), the rest of the movie is fine. The angel number thing is a little annoying. There aren’t any hints about what 624 means, it just keeps appearing everywhere. When she sets her alarm clock for 6:30, it goes off at 6:24. When she is riding her stationary bike for 5 miles, the meter randomly changes to 6.24 miles when she’s done. When she sets a timer for 5 minutes to hard boil some eggs, it refuses to time anything but 6 minutes, 24 seconds. These things mean nothing. What is she supposed to get out of this 624 number? (Spoiler: It’s Nate’s birthdate.) It is a stupid plot device that is badly used.

Ratings: 624 out of 1,000,000

Friends & Family Christmas | 2023 Christmas Movies

This year, Hallmark has given us their first ever lesbian Christmas movie, Friends & Family Christmas. I am so glad that Hallmark has increased their diversity in Christmas movies. I’m tired of seeing the same thing over and over.

Daniela (Humberly González) is a budding photographer living in New York City. When she tells her parents that she will not be home for Christmas, they take it upon themselves to come to her for the holiday. Her father, Luke (Christopher Shyer), has been talking to his old college roommate, John (Barclay Hope), to try to set Dani up with John’s daughter, Amelia (Ali Liebert). After their initial meeting, Dani and Amelia decide to pretend to be girlfriends for the holiday season to appease their parents.

For the most part, this was a sweet original take on Christmas romance movies. No one came into someone’s hometown and wooed them off their feet. There wasn’t a family business about to close forever without someone’s help. Instead, this was just two women who made an arrangement then found themselves falling in love with each other. Yes, there was the usual lack of communication that caused the big romantic conflict but I’m pretty sure that writers don’t know how to end a movie without the lead actors avoiding conversations. I dream for the day that Christmas movies have people that actually talk to each other falling in love. Wouldn’t that be nice?

Rating: Not picture perfect but good enough

12 Games Of Christmas | 2023 Christmas Movies

12 Games Of Christmas sounded like an interesting movie. Of course, Great American Family is terrible at commercials so I didn’t know a lot about what the plot would be. But I like games, my family likes games. This should be a no-brainer, right?

Kelsey (Felisha Cooper) has invited her friends and family to her house for a holiday dinner. Just before everyone arrives, a board game - 12 Games of Christmas - appears on her doorstep. When the group finds out about the game, they all decide to play.

This was one of, if not THE, worst movie I have seen this year. The acting is absolutely atrocious. I tried to give them some benefit of the doubt but, alas, this feels like some awful community theater production where the director hired all of their friends as actors even though they can’t act. Not only that, the plot is trying really hard to be religious but without actually saying the religious stuff. The players are supposed to receive a “message” in order to leave the game but they are also told they can leave the game at any time. And the messages are things like “Appreciate family!” Not only that, the players are given 12 tasks to complete and frequently told they need to complete them together. But the tasks are individual things like painting ornaments or building a wreath. This feels like a movie that was either written by AI or by a team of writers who each got their own “day” to write then they just mashed them together to make it fit. I hate it.

Rating: Leave the game immediately