Candy Cane Candidate | 2021 Christmas Movies

Jacky Lai from 2020’s A Sugar & Spice Holiday faces off with Christmas powerhouse Jake Epstein. Seriously, how does that guy have the time to film so many Christmas movies? Anyway, Candy Cane Candidate had a bit of genre change up going on. Get this…

Julia (Jacky Lai) lost her recent political campaign. To regain her emotional footing, she decides to go home for the holidays. She finds out that her old high school arch nemesis, Parker (Jake Epstein), is running for town mayor. UNOPPOSED! Julia thinks the town should have a choice so she decides to run against him. Will Julia win this time or will she lose again to Parker like she lost the class president election?

Surprisingly, there wasn’t a ton of romance in Candy Cane Candidate. Julia was pretty dead set on running her campaign and Parker wanted to make sure the town’s holiday traditions weren’t trampled all over. Sure, there were a few glances and some flirty moments but they didn’t make up the bulk of the movie. It felt like a bit of fresh air after all of the overt wooing in other movies.

If we want to talk about down sides, which don’t really need to do, I wish that Jacky would have done more about the ecological changes she wanted to make instead of just talking about them. The only thing she “did” was arrange a toy drive claiming that it was recycling plastic toys. It would have been nice to see her maybe making some phone calls to see what would be needed to fix the wonky lights at the high school. Even if she lost the election to Parker, she could have passed that information onto him to try to make it happen.

I do recommend watching Candy Cane Candidate. Even if you only watch it to see the Lai and Epstein Christmas Spectacular, you won’t regret it. They are both charismatic actors that I can’t wait to see more of in the future.

Tis The Season To Be Merry | 2021 Christmas Movies

I think my least favorite Christmas movie titles are ones using the main character’s name. Once in awhile there is a witty title with a character’s name in it, ‘Tis The Season To Be Merry is not one of them.

Merry (Rachael Leigh Cook) writes books giving romantic advice. In her recent book, she lies and says she is engaged. When her publisher, Sonia (Karen Malina White), gushes about how authentic Merry’s relationship is, Merry freaks out and runs away to her co-worker/friend Darlene’s (Amy Groening) family’s house in Vermont. Little did Merry know that Darlene’s brother, Adam (Travis Van Winkle), has returned from a 2-year trip to Guatemala. Can Merry figure out how to fix both her love life and her professional life?

There were pieces of Tis The Season that I thought were really cute. At the big Christmas tree auction, when Adam had Merry co-host with him and he would keep handing her cards when she had no idea to say. If there is one thing Cook is good at, it’s playing an awkward women who trips over her words. I’m glad Hallmark played into that strength.

In addition to the main Adam/Merry couple, there are two other couples introduced. I would have liked to have seen a little more of their interactions. We do see Sonia’s budding relationship with Joe (Paul Essimbre) but we really only see them when Merry happens to see them around town. It would have been nice to jump over to them to see how they were doing. There’s also a late romance between Joe’s son, James (Adam Hurtig), and Darlene. Even though they were childhood friends, we don’t see a lot of interaction between them until James confesses his feelings about Darlene to Merry. I would have liked to have seen more of James pining after Darlene instead of it appearing that James has a thing for Merry.

Tis The Season isn’t a terrible movie. It’s not boring, which is a step up from most movies, but it wasn’t particularly interesting either. If you watch it, watch it for the acting not for the story. Maybe one day Cook will get put into one of the really good Christmas movies. Until then, this will scratch the itch to see her on screen.

Under The Christmas Tree | 2021 Christmas Movies

Usually, when we get a Christmas movie with a gay main couple, that couple is male. Lifetime changes it up with Under The Christmas Tree. Women rule this time around.

Charlie (Tattiawna Jones) is a tree whisperer. With her partner, Rohan (Shawn Ahmed), she is looking for a Christmas tree for the state capital. She finds the perfect tree on property owned by Alma (Elise Bauman) and her parents. Can Charlie convince Alma to let her cut down the tree?

I was intrigued to see where Under The Christmas Tree was going to go. After all, it was written by the guy that wrote 2020’s The Christmas Setup, which was really good. Thankfully, this one wasn’t terrible. It wasn’t quite as good as Setup but it wasn’t boring. Instead of trying to force the two women together, they were allowed to have the “love at first sight” moment that so many straight movies have. The first time Alma sees Charlie, she stumbles over her words. Charlie is a little more confident so she gets the “you know you want to be with me” personality. It was really nice to see this change. Having to watch women be stereotypically female all the time in Christmas movies sucks. I liked seeing all of the women have very different personalities.

With that said, I wouldn’t say this is the best Christmas movie. It still has some very slow parts and the main tree conflict is stupid. They also keep trying to throw Ricki Lake into scenes for no real reason. I think they wanted to make sure they got their money’s worth casting her.

Despite the slow parts, it was a decent movie to watch. It didn’t fully capture my attention but I was able to pay more attention than I have in the other movies I’ve watched this month.

Christmas For Keeps | 2021 Christmas Movies

Now I remember why I stopped watching last year’s Christmas movies at the end of December. All of the channels start dredging the bottom of the barrel for their Christmas fare at the end of the season. They put on all of the good shows either Thanksgiving week or the beginning of December. The stuff that airs Christmas week is awful. Christmas For Keeps is no exception.

I’m not really sure why this is a Christmas movie. Here is the plot: A group of friends from high school get together after 10 years apart to celebrate their drama teacher that recently passed.

And that is it. The whole movie revolves around the stupid arguments they have and their attempts at figuring out what they want to do with their lives. Considering these people haven’t seen each other for ten years, they really should have gotten over most of this stuff. The only “argument” that is worth anything is Noah (Cardi Wong) vaguely arguing with his wife, Sarah (Ashley Newbrough), over her busy schedule as a medical resident and his want to start a cookie business instead of being a stay at home dad. And they don’t really argue about it! He is perfectly fine staying home with the kids. It isn’t until their friend, Mia (Marielle Scott), pushes Noah to sell his cookies that it becomes an issue. And, seriously, script writers - medical residents are busy people. Get off their asses for not having time to go to parties or socialize like other people.

Again, there is nothing interesting going on here. Go watch Seinfeld or Friends instead.

Toying With The Holidays | 2021 Christmas Movies

Sometimes I don’t understand how writers, or whoever is it that comes up with these titles, comes up with these titles! This one is called Toying With The Holidays but it has nothing to do with toys. It’s about trains! It should have been called On Track For The Holidays or something like that. Well, let’s get into it.

Danielle (Cindy Busby) brings her son, Paul (Callum Shoniker), back to her hometown for the holidays. When she gets there, she finds that the holiday train her recently deceased father kept was taken out of commission because it was too costly to repair. With the help of her high school classmate, Kevin (Chad Michael Murray), Danielle is determined to get the train running again for this holiday season.

Who read this script and thought it was a good idea to make? Absolutely nothing happens for the entire movie. Even in the last 15-30 minutes, when we get the big surprise reveal (is it really a surprise though?), still nothing happens! A bunch of people get on a miniature train then the leads kiss. We don’t get to see them take a grand train ride through a Christmas display or even a montage of anyone having fun. They’re just like “Yep, the train works now. Smoochy Smoochy.”

I seriously hate the boring movies more than the bad ones. At least with the bad ones, they make me feel something. I’ll hate a character or I’ll hate the way an actor reads his lines or I’ll hate the set design or something. The boring ones just make me want to turn my TV off and go do something else. Toying With The Holidays is completely forgettable and not worth a minute of your time.

Crashing Through The Snow | 2021 Christmas Movies

I swore that I was going to finish the 2021 Christmas movies. So I’m starting with Hallmark’s Crashing Through The Snow. Yes, it is a dumb title. But is the movie just as dumb?

Maggie (Amy Acker) and Jeff (Kristian Bruun) are divorced parents to two daughters. Jeff and his girlfriend, Kate (Brooke Nevin), are planning to take the girls to Kate’s family home in Colorado for Christmas. When Kate finds out that Maggie has never been away from the girls at Christmas, she invites Kate to come along with them. At the estate, Maggie’s brother, Sam (Warren Christie), makes a surprise visit. Kate begins to feel left out of her kids’ Christmas, thanks to all of Maggie’s Christmas plans, so Sam teams up with her to help her push her way back into the family dynamic.

Most of the time, the conflict in these family Christmas movies can be resolved with a simple conversation. That isn’t the problem in Crashing Through The Snow. Sure, they could talk a bit more but it can be extremely difficult to welcome a step parent into a kid’s life. And it can be even more difficult to watch your former partner replace you as the love in their life. The conversations that Maggie and Sam need to have are difficult and uncomfortable. Their lives would have been better if they were more open with each other in the beginning but it’s easy to understand why they weren’t. Everyone just wanted to make everyone else’s trip easier and less dramatic.

As with a lot of these types of movies, the problem is that none of the couples have any sort of chemistry. Like I have no idea what Jeff sees in Kate. It looks A LOT like he loves her because her family is mega rich. At the same time, I have no idea what Sam sees in Maggie. (Spoiler: they also fall in love.) Maggie’s big personality trait is that she is clumsy. (I think I might hate that part of the movie the most.) Sure, they spend some time together but it’s not a ton of time and they kinda butt heads a lot. Just because someone teaches you how to ice skate, that doesn’t mean you love them.

Overall, I didn’t find the movie too terrible. It is still on the boring side but I think, as my first step back into Christmas movies, this wasn’t the worst movie I could have picked.

OK But For Reals This Time

It has been quite a while since my last blog post. Almost six months. I’m sorry about that. Like always, I have every intention to write more but then I get into my head and overthink things then…well, I think everyone knows what happens. It’s our good friend Anxiety. Anyway, I’m going to try to put him back in the closet and get writing again.

Guess where I’m going to start? That’s right - all those Christmas movies I wasn’t able to finish last season. (This would have made a great Christmas in July thing….) The first review will be posted on Monday, August 8. I’m not sure exactly how many Christmas movies I have to get through - or how many are still on my DVR. Either way I’m going to watch everything I have and hopefully I can sprinkle some non-Christmas reviews in there so none of us get overwhelmed with Christmas in August. (Ugh.)

As always, if you have any suggestions for movies or television shows you would like me to talk about, drop me a comment or shoot me an email.

The King's Daughter | Movie Review

A movie made in 2014 but not released until 2022. Supposedly, it was delayed to work on the special effects. This means that I absolutely had to watch it. Even if it was only released in movie theaters during a pandemic. But I was confident that there wouldn’t be a lot of people in the audience. And I was right. We were the ONLY people in the audience.

The King’s Daughter is very loosely based on the 1997 book, The Moon and The Sun. King Louis XIV (Pierce Brosnan), the Sun King of France, wants to be immortal. He sends Captain Yves De La Croix (Benjamin Walker) to the high seas to bring back a mermaid. Dr. Labarthe (Pablo Schreiber) believe that if the king consumes the mermaid’s heart, he will be granted immortality. Meanwhile, the king has sent his priest and advisor, Père La Chaise (William Hurt), to retrieve his daughter, Marie-Josèphe (Kaya Scodelario), from the convent where she has lived her entire life under the guise that the king needs a new composer. Marie-Josèphe befriends the captured mermaid and tries to free the creature when she learns of her father’s plan.

Let me start off with : This is not a good movie. The best thing about this movie is Julie Andrew’s narration in the very beginning. Unfortunately, she does not narrate the entire movie. Only about the first half hour. I’m pretty sure her narration is one of the reasons the movie got delayed. Without her telling me what the hell was going on, I would have been completely lost.

I went into this movie knowing it was going to be bad. The question was “how bad?” Before word is even spoken, you can tell you are in for a ride based on how awful the characters look. Pierce Brosnan was given a Party City wig for his role as King Louis XIV. At no point in this movie does he ever look good. He looks like someone else was cast in the role, filmed the whole movie, then someone decided to CGI his face onto that actor’s body.

In addition, all of the costume decisions were strange. The movie is supposed to take place sometime in the 17th-century. Yet all of the women are literally wearing prom dresses from 2014. There isn’t a single dress that is historically accurate. The men’s clothes are only slightly better. Most of the men’s clothes that I saw were tailored in a way to make them look slightly accurate. Like, if you only saw them in silhouette, you might think “Yeah, that looks about right.”

And, of course, there are giant plot holes everywhere. I haven’t read the book itself but the synopsis on Wikipedia doesn’t say anything about the king having a daughter. Marie-Josèphe is supposed to be a lady-in-waiting to the king’s niece. Making this drastic change gives the movie a very weird vibe. In the movie, the king knows he has a daughter and knows where she is but doesn’t care anything about her until…the music at his palace begins to suck? I honestly have no idea why he really brings her to the palace. He claims it’s because he needs a composer and she loves music but that makes no sense. And when she is at the palace, he mostly ignores her except in very specific situations where it looks like he wants to have sex with her? Oh, and one of the movie’s conflicts where he tries to marry her off to a lord in his kingdom because he spent all of his money trying to find the mermaid.

I figured that this was going to be a movie that I wouldn’t be able to recommend. However, if you like terrible movies, this would be perfect. As a matter of fact, if you are going to watch this, please come back here and explain it to me. Why did anyone think that this was a good movie to make? Why did anyone actually agree to work on it? But, if you are a normal person with normal interests, stay far away. Even Julie Andrews couldn’t save this one.

Afterparty | Video Game Review

I am not much of a gamer. If it’s an open-world platformy shooter game, it’s not for me. Afterparty is a single-player point and click adventure game from Night School Studio. This is what I excel at.

In Afterparty, you play as Milo and Lola, two best friends about to graduate from college. Unfortunately, they both die instead. The pair gets sent to hell. Before they get their assigned eternal torture, they get a chance to win their freedom back to Earth. They only have to outdrink Satan in order to return to the mortal realm. Easy, right?

As I said, I don’t do well in open-world games. In this one, your choice is to go to the right or go to the left. Since the game pretty much tells you where you need to go next, there is no need to worry about finding the next location. Just keep walking in one direction until you find it (or the stairs to go to the next level of the map) or until you run out of map. Then turn around and go the other way until you find it (or the stairs to go to the next level of the map). It’s pretty difficult to get lost.

Story-wise, I found the game to be a lot of fun. It does take place in hell so there is quite a bit of dark humor. If you don’t like that, Afterparty definitely is not for you. However, if you are OK with chatting it up with some demons and drinking way too much alcohol, Afterparty can be pretty fun. For hardcore gamers, this one is probably a bit tedious. It’s a lot of walking and talking. You do get to choose what your character says, which does change the trajectory of the game. If you say something insulting to a demon, they may not want to help you later in the game.

Speaking of needing help later in the game, there are multiple endings. I haven’t played through all of them but I believe there are three. I think it’s cool that the endings change depending on what you say to demons. Especially since the game mostly revolves around choosing the proper (or improper) thing to say. A lot of games in this genre only give you the one ending and that is kinda boring.

If you are interested in playing Afterparty, it is available on Steam and the Epic Games Store for PC, the Xbox One, the Playstation 4, and the Nintendo Switch. I played the Xbox version so I’m not sure if there are any differences in the other platforms. But, if you do like this sort of dark humor, I think you will enjoy this game. Just be careful trying to outdrink Satan. He is pretty hardcore.

Dogs On The Trail | Book Review

While I’ve always enjoyed reading, I don’t get a lot of time to read books any more. Stupid adulting keeps getting in the way. But I did get some time to sit down and read Dogs on the Trail by Blair Braverman and Quince Mountain.

Blair Braverman and Quince Mountain are a married couple that participates in dog mushing. With their pack of dogs, they have competed in many events, including the infamous Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race. Dogs on the Trail not only tells us what they do in a year (by season) but it gives us a mini-biography on each of the dogs. C’mon, we all know we’re really just here for the dogs.

I do follow Blair on Twitter so I was already familiar with the dogs. However, I wasn’t very familiar with the sport of dog mushing. Twitter isn’t exactly the best place to try to teach someone about a sport as difficult as dog mushing. Thankfully, Blair’s book has a lot of pictures to go along with the text. Even though I understood her explanations, having the pictures there to reference made it a lot easier.

For anyone that doesn’t like reading but is interested in possibly buying this book, it is fairly short. All four seasons are covered in 143 pages. That does include a ton of pictures of the dogs, the gear, and some of the other humans that help Blair and Quince. It is laid out a little like a children’s book (more pictures than text) but it is chock full of information. To be honest, I appreciated that. Whenever I thought I might get a little overwhelmed with what Blair was explaining, there was a dog picture right there to give my brain a little break.

Dogs on the Trail is a perfect book for anyone who loves dogs. I don’t think you have to love mushing or the cold or even Blair and Quince as people. (Though I’m not sure how you couldn’t love them.) It is just really awesome to see a dog about amazing dogs doing amazing things that they obviously love. And the love the Blair and Quince have for their pack radiates through each word and picture. This book makes me think that I might love mushing…if I didn’t absolutely hate the cold so much.