The Christmas Retreat | 2022 Christmas Movies

This is the fourth movie I’ve watched on UPtv. I’m already getting very tired of their UPlifting Christmas Movies tagline. The other channels don’t tell me their tagline nearly as often. I’m also tired of the Gilmore Girls marathon commercial. I can’t wait until those stop.

Workaholic Kim (Rhiannon Fish) was expecting her boyfriend, Steven (Jonathan Hawley Purvis), to propose. He broke up with her instead. Her mother, Mary (Lynn Whyte), convinces her to go on a week-long Christmas retreat to relax and reconnect. At the retreat, Kim meets Mark (Clayton James), a newly unemployed executive who happens to be the brother of the retreat’s owner. Will they be able to find what they really want out of life?

The Christmas Retreat was going so well. The romance between Kim and Mark was progressing well until all of a sudden Steven shows up. That is probably my one biggest complaint about romance movies. A woman will be having the time of her life without her current or former partner but the minute that person shows up, they forget everything and go running back to them. Kim knew that she didn’t love Steven any more. She knew that she was so much happier without him. So why in the world would she run off with him when he randomly shows up at the door? She doesn’t even say “Well, I still have some stuff to do here so I can’t leave with you right now.” Women are not carpets to be walked all over.

Does this mean I don’t think you should watch this particular movie? No. It is pretty cute in a lot of ways. There’s a sort of advent calendar type of thing that counts down the days of the week-long retreat that also tells us how the retreat is broken up into different sections. It was cute and seasonal. Kim and Mark do have pretty good chemistry, which is maybe why I was so pissed off when she went off with Steven. If I was using a give star rating system, this one would probably be a three. Good enough to watch but kind of annoying at the same time.

Christmas On Mistletoe Lake | 2022 Christmas Movies

It is now time for our second Corey Sevier Christmas movie of the season. First we had Noel Next Door, where he played a grumpy composer. Now we have Christmas On Mistletoe Lake, where he plays a grumpy boat owner. OK, I’m not really sure what his character does for money in this movie. Let’s just get into it.

Reilly (Genelle Williams) is an interior designer heading to Mistletoe Lake for Christmas. The local bed and breakfast is completely booked so she ends up staying on a boat owned by Ray (Corey Sevier), who she met in the town general store. Over the next few days, Reilly falls in love with the town and with Ray. But will the financial troubles of both ruin what she has fallen in love with?

This movie is so weirdly written. Parts of it are really sweet but there are lines that no one would ever actually say that. In the beginning, Emma (Hattie Kragten), Ray’s teenage daughter, within minutes of meeting Reilly says to her “Why aren’t you celebrating Christmas with your boyfriend or husband or whatever?” Who says that? Definitely not a teenager. And there are a few other places like that throughout the movie. It sucked me right out of any enjoyment I was having.

Another thing I disliked about the movie is the conflict. Ray is selling his boat to Louis (Robin Dunne), who happens to be one of Reilly’s former clients. While Ray wants to keep the boat as is, Louis wants to hire Reilly to change absolutely everything. Instead of telling Ray about it, Reilly keeps the information to herself. Of course, this mean Ray gets pissed off at her. A better conflict would have been if Reilly told Ray the situation and the two of them teamed up against Louis. Reilly and Ray had already kissed at this point so we weren’t waiting for the will-they-won’t-they. Having the main couple team up against the bad guy would have made Christmas on Mistletoe Lake such a cool and different movie. But, no, we got the usual boring trope.

On one hand, I want to recommend Mistletoe Lake. Genelle Williams is an amazing actress. My husband and I loved her in Warehouse 13 back in the late 2000s/early 2010s. However, this is not a great movie. Maybe watch it if you have nothing else to do. But don’t plan an entire night around watching it.

Falling For Christmas | 2022 Christmas Movies

There was a lot of press this year about Lindsay Lohan’s new Christmas movie. I think this is supposed to be her big comeback movie? I’m not sure. But since it’s a Christmas movie, of course I tuned it to watch Netflix’s Falling For Christmas.

Sierra Belmont (Lindsay Lohan) is an heiress to hotel magnate, Beauregard Belmont (Jack Wagner). Wanting to do something to separate herself from her father, Sierra turns to her boyfriend, Tad (George Young), to help her become a popular influencer. The couple heads up a snow-covered mountain near the Belmont Ski Resort in order to take some pictures for social media. When Tad proposes, both of them fall off the mountain. Sierra ends up with amnesia from a minor concussion while Tad is lost in the wilderness. Jake Russell (Chord Overstreet), who runs the bed and breakfast next door to the Belmont resort, finds Sierra and takes care of her until they can figure out who she is.

Fifteen minutes into the movie, I thought “is this movie making fun of Paris Hilton? It feels like it’s making fun of Paris Hilton.” About a half hour later, I realized “Oh. this is just a remake of Overboard with a Christmas theme slapped on top.” It’s a movie about a rich lady who get amnesia and stays with a poor guy, helping out and doing chores badly, until someone figures out who she is. The only real difference between the two movies is the poor guy knew who the rich lady was in Overboard and he elected to take advantage of her amnesia. Oh, and this takes place on a snowy mountain instead of a yacht.

So now that we know this is basically a remake, is it a good one? It’s not bad. Lohan’s acting is better than it has been in a long time. I had a difficult time looking past Overstreet as the leading man (I kept thinking “Man, they cast Sam from Glee as Lindsay Lohan’s love interest? Isn’t she a lot older than him?”) so I can’t tell if there was no chemistry between them or it was just my inability to see him as another character. Otherwise, Young is kinda perfect as spoiled rich man Tad. He may have been my favorite character, even though he is terrible.

If you haven’t watched Falling For Christmas yet, go ahead and do it now. it may be a remake but, to be honest, the original movie is very problematic. This version keeps it family friendly and avoids all of those issues. And, to be honest, it’s better than a lot of the other Christmas movies we’ve been given so far. I wonder if a Lindsay Lohan movie is going to make my top movie list this year.

The Claus Family 2 | 2022 Christmas Movies

Last year, I found one of my favorite Christmas movies ever, The Claus Family. This year, Netflix gave us The Claus Family 2. Can the sequel live up to the original?

Jules (Mo Bakker) and his grandfather, Noël (Jan Decleir), are preparing to deliver presents again. This time, Jules is an official Santa Claus. When he finds a letter to Santa from a girl named Marie (Jasmina Fall) asking Santa to bring her divorced parents back together again, Jules does everything in his power to make it happen. Noël, however, is against Santa doing anything but delivering presents. Can Jules make Marie’s wish come true or is his grandfather right?

If you will recall, last year I said the bad part of the movie was the cookie factory that Suzanne (Bracha van Doesburgh), Jules’ mother, worked at. Well, this year, she quit the factory and opened her own cookie shop. Her plotline still doesn’t matter in the slightest to the movie but it was interesting to see her actually move forward professionally. The cookie shop doesn’t take up a big portion of the runtime of The Claus Family 2 so I won’t count it as a bad part this time around. I’ll count it as a bad part turned good.

The Claus Family 2 is one of those movies that you will either love or hate. The entire plot revolves around trying to get Marie’s parents, Tine (Lauren Müller) and Steven (Everon Jackson Hooi), back together. Of course, what this means is that Jules and his grandfather bicker through most of the movie. Personally, I found this version of “willful teenager vs elder” endearing. Jules was right and he knew he was right and he stood up for himself. He doesn’t know why his grandfather is so against love but he refuses to let the old man’s reluctance get in his way.

Also, the elves are delightful. If you don’t love them and all of their hijinks, then you don’t have a heart.

Is this something everyone will love? Absolutely not. It is not a fast paced movie so a lot of people are probably going to find it slow and boring. However, in a world of Hallmark Christmas romance movies, The Claus Family is a refreshing breather. I would love to see more of these movies in the future. Especially if they can bring the rest of Jules’ family into the Santa gang. Give them something more to do than be background characters. Let them be an actual family that can share in the love of Christmas.

Well Suited For Christmas | 2022 Christmas Movies

When I saw the title Well Suited For Christmas, I wasn’t expecting much. I thought “Ugh, this is such a cheesy title. This is going to be an awful movie that I regret watching.” Well, I was wrong.

Rachel Rocca (Mercedes de la Zerda) is an up and coming fashion designer in New York. She gets invited to participate in a tuxedo design competition for a Christmas charity gala. The model that she gets assigned in Brett Stone (Franco Lo Presti), one of the city’s most eligible bachelors. Even though they butt heads on what his suit should look like, they find themselves falling in love the more they find out about each other.

Well Suited For Christmas was, amazingly, a wonderfully heartfelt movie. The romance between Rachel and Brett blooms organically, unlike most Christmas movies where the lead couple feels forced together for no reason. These two start out arguing but as they spend more time together, find they actually like each other. It was so refreshing to watch.

II also thought it was lovely that Rachel’s parents were always present. All of the scenes they were in were a lot more lively with them around. Also, it was nice to have a Bolivian family at the center of the movie. As we all know, a majority of Christmas movies focus on white people. Usually American white people. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a domestic Christmas film that featured a South American family. I love it and I want more of it.

While I want to sing all of the praises for Well Suited For Christmas, I don’t want to give too much away. I definitely think this is a movie you should watch on your own. It has the right mix of Christmas and romance and I want all of the new Christmas movies to follow its lead. We need more Christmas movies like this.

All Saints Christmas | 2022 Christmas Movies

Hallmark isn’t known for having tons of movies with people of color in leading roles. PoC are usually delegated to “best friend” or “coworker.” All Saints Christmas not only features an entirely black cast, it also takes place in a New Orleans R&B club. Now we just have to see if it’s actually a good movie…

Lisette (Ledisi) is a popular singer about to return home to New Orleans for Christmas after a two year absence. Before she can head home, she gets photographed at a Christmas market with her ex-boyfriend, Matthew (Roger Cross). It looks like he is proposing to her when he’s really picking up a ring she dropped. With the story of their engagement in the press, the two decide David will come home to New Orleans with Lisette and they will pretend the engagement is real for the publicity.

I’m a little torn on All Saints Christmas. Ledisi is a gorgeous singer. Every scene featuring her vocals is a delight. But her acting is a little wooden. Instead of seeming like a normal person, she acts as if the director has been yelling at her the entire shoot for not knowing her lines or something. Poking through her IMDb page, she has portrayed some very big names. So I’m not sure if she just needs some more training or if it was a directing problem. Either way, I would really love to see her do better. If she could get a role that features her singing and she knocked the role out of the park, it would be chef’s kiss.

Thankfully, some of the other actors do make up for Ledisi’s missteps. Lucia Walters as Lisette’s arch-nemesis, Gia, is pretty perfect. Walters is able to give Gia the shell of a mean girl with the inner core of emotionally hurt high schooler. Also, Miranda Edwards as Lisette’s sister, Taborah, brings a nice emotionally stable presence to the adult children of the family. They were probably my two favorite characters in the movie.

If you like R&B music, you will definitely like All Saints Christmas. There is enough singing that you should be able to look past the acting troubles. However, if you are looking for a great Christmas movie, this probably isn’t it. I would still recommend watching it though. The music really is that good.

Love At The Christmas Contest | 2022 Christmas Movies

Is it me or does there seem like there is a lot more death in this year’s Christmas movies? We don’t really need to be giving everyone dead parent trauma in order to make someone a single parent. Divorce is a thing, you know.

This is the first Christmas Angie (Samantha Cope) is celebrating without her mother. She enters a Christmas tree decorating contest to honor her mother’s memory. Also entering the contest is David (Ross Jirgl), Angie’s recently-widowed high school sweetheart, and his daughter, Gabby (Eliza Donaghy). Will all three of them be able to find the Christmas spirit again?

Love At The Christmas Contest was so boring. The whole plot centered around this tree decorating contest but we didn’t actually see any tree decorating. They talked about it. Awards were given. But we didn’t even get a montage of people decorating their trees. It would have been great to see Angie and her friend, Blair (Triana Browne), decorating their bee tree and giggling while David helped Gabby decorate their tree. There was so much potential lost there.

And I’m really over all of the death. We haven’t even reached the middle of November yet and it feels like everyone’s parents or wives have died. I guess that is this year’s theme. Death. Maybe it’s the networks’ way of sorta addressing the pandemic without actually addressing it. No one ever gives a reason why their loved one has died. They are just gone. If that this what is going on, it doesn’t bode well for the rest of the Christmas movie season. We still have a lot to go.

Sadly, I can’t recommend watching Love At The Christmas Contest. It is sad and boring. I never thought I would see a move that actually made me want more montages. What the heck, Great American Family?

A Christmas Masquerade | 2022 Christmas Movies

There is a sudden influx of “A” Christmas movies. I know there are usually a bunch of them but this seems excessive. A Christmas Masquerade also falls into the “dumb name that doesn’t really apply to the movie” category as well. It’s like the people that write the titles grab on the smallest detail and name the movie after it.

Julianne (Erin Agostino) is a personal assistant to a Laura (Cory Lee), an HR professional. Peter (David Lafontaine), a potential client, mistakes Julianne for Laura at a masquerade ball. When Julianne lands the deal, she is forced to continue to pretend to be Laura in order to keep his business.

So there is only one masquerade ball in A Christmas Masquerade. The rest of the time it’s just Julianne not correcting anyone when they call her Laura. Easy fix. There is zero reason that Julianne couldn’t have said at the party “I’m sorry, I’m Laura’s assistant. She couldn’t make it tonight so I came in her place to meet you.” Instead, they decide to drag out the lie for as long as possible. Even when Peter catches her using her real name, it gets written off. Mistaken identity is an interesting premise for a movie but it used badly here.

Also, Peter is trying to become the next ambassador for his country. (I already forget his country’s name. That is how forgettable this movie is.) His father, the current ambassador, is retiring. For some reason, the council just keeps hiring the same family as if it was royalty? But since Peter is the black sheep, he has to fix his public image or the council won’t elect him. And they work on this for FIVE WHOLE DAYS. I’m sorry but any council that looks at someone with a terrible track record that suddenly has a good track record for less than a week and still hires them is stupid. This movie is stupid.

Seriously, don’t watch A Christmas Masquerade. Either of the two movies I previously reviewed from UPtv were better than this one. This one is just dumb and a waste of time.

A Maple Valley Christmas | 2022 Christmas Movies

You know, usually, Christmas movie titles give you a little insight into what the movie is about. A Maple Valley Christmas doesn’t really tell us anything. It’s about a family on a farm that harvests maple from trees so they make a lot of maple things. I guess they had to name it something, right?

Erica (Peyton List) has spent her whole life on her family’s farm. When the neighboring farm comes up for sale, Erica thinks they should buy the land to expand the business. Two things lie in her way - her sister, Heidi (Ella Cannon), who doesn’t want to spend the money and Aaron Davenport (Andrew Walker) whose father wants to buy the plot of land for their real estate business.

This is one of the most frustrating movies I have watched in awhile. It has all the marks of a good Christmas romance movie. Erica and Aaron make a good enough couple. Their romance seems to blossom fairly naturally. The land conflict is big enough that it could cause issues between people but not big enough that it’s catastrophic to everyone. However, what holds it back is the sheer self-centeredness of the women. Mainly Erica and Heidi.

Ina (Frances Flanagan), the family matriarch, wants to retire and go to Italy with her new boyfriend, who happens to tutor her in Italian. Erica basically throws a hissy fit at this news. How dare her mother want to spend her golden years doing something she wants to instead of wasting away on a farm simply to make her daughters happy? Since Ina is leaving the family business to Erica and Heidi, it’s Heidi’s turn to throw an unnecessary fit. Heidi absolutely refuses to even consider Erica’s plan to expand the family farm. When Erica talks to other people about it to get their ideas, Heidi complains that Erica is leaving her out. What should have been a simple conversation with everyone bringing up the pros and cons of the plan is turned into a stupid sibling rivalry. Why can’t these two think of other people for a minute?

I don’t know if I can recommend A Maple Valley Christmas. I really wanted to like it but it felt so misogynistic that it made my skin crawl. Maybe we can just forget this one exists this year.

A Royal Christmas On Ice | 2022 Christmas Movies

Sometimes I’m not sure where ideas for these movies come from. There aren’t a ton of Christmas movies that revolve around ice skating but there are a ton about royalty. I guess they thought that the two would be good together? Let’s look at A Royal Christmas On Ice from Great American Family channel.

Abigail (Anna Marie Dobbins) was a figure skating Olympic hopeful. When an injury dashed her dreams of Olympic gold, she began teaching ice skating in her hometown in upstate New York. Prince John (Jonathan Stoddard) is the last in line for the throne. He wants something that would be his so he decides to buy an ice hockey team. He travels to the United States to look for the perfect venue to house his new team. It turns out to be the same venue where Abigail runs her classes. Can Abigail save her school or will she lose it along with her heart?

I don’t understand this movie. My biggest problem - why can’t they both use the venue? Are we supposed to think that Abigail’s skating classes take up an entire day or the hockey team uses the rink all day? There’s a ECHL professional hockey team that plays near my house and their venue holds giant music concerts during the hockey season. It’s not like the venue is completely shut down for them. This is a conflict that doesn’t exist in real life.

Second, Abigail refuses to use her name or face to advertise her classes. She’s embarrassed about getting injured during the Olympics. (Or maybe it’s the Olympic trials? I’m not sure.) I can see this both ways. On one hand, I can see feeling like a failure and who would want to take classes from a failure. A Royal Christmas On Ice should have had a few random people come up to her while she was around town and be like “Oh my god! Aren’t you Abigail the ice skater?” or something. Something that would have shown us that people still remember her. Because, on the other hand, once she puts her face on that flyer, her event sells out within days. We don’t get any sort of sense of how popular she really is with the public.

The royalty part doesn’t confuse me as much. I can understand why someone who doesn’t have a lot of royal responsibilities would want a little something for themselves. Maybe if they had shown John slacking in his royal duties that the hockey thing would have been more scandalous. As it stands, the poor guy just wants something to do.

A Royal Christmas On Ice was actually a decent movie. As with other GAC movies, this isn’t going to make a Best Of list but I enjoyed watching it. it did feel a little bit like a fanfic written by a teenage girl, which doesn’t make it terrible. It makes it feel a little like a throwback to those times.