Under The Christmas Sky | 2023 Christmas Movies

I wish Hallmark kept Under The Christmas Sky a little more secret. All of the commercials featured a child in a wheelchair squealing “You’re an ASTRONAUT?!” So we know it’s astronaut-related somehow, right?

Kat (Jessica Parker Kennedy) is an astrophysicist who specializes in the sun. After a terrible car accident leaves her with a blind spot in her vision, Kat is unsure where her life is headed. Her boss gets her a consulting job helping David (Ryan Paevey) with a Christmas exhibit at the local planetarium. Will Kat figure out where her future lies?

I’m not a big science person. However, some of this movie felt really wrong. They frequently refer to David’s place of work as “the planetarium.” But it’s more like a museum with a planetarium inside. Maybe I’m being too nitpicky about that but like a museum and a planetarium are two different things. Right?

I also feel like they are super confused about Kat’s eyesight. Her eye doctor seemed to blow it off with a “Well, if it hasn’t fixed itself by now, it never will.” But Kat said that the blind spot was caused by hitting her head in the car accident. So is it a problem with her eye or a problem with her brain? Everyone keeps having her do these eye exercises but maybe the actual eye isn’t the problem! The issue felt like a tacked on reason that the writers needed in order to dash her dreams of going to the space station.

At the same time, they made too big of a deal about the blind spot. We are given shots that are supposed to be from Kat’s point of view and it looks like a big smudge in her vision. Yet the writers are literally trying to equate her slightly impaired vision with people in wheelchairs. ‘We can’t go to space but we can still work in the space industry!’

It’s another movie that isn’t terrible but it wasn’t particularly good either. My favorite parts were with Kat’s brother Andy (Andrew Bushell) and Celeste (Sydney Sabiston) who also works at the museum. They were a much more interesting couple.

Rating: Failure to launch

'Twas The Text Before Christmas | 2023 Christmas Movies

I wasn’t sure what to expect from ‘Twas The Text Before Christmas. Would it be a take on ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas? What would that look like in a Christmas romance movie? Let’s take a look…

Addie (Merritt Patterson) is a New York City chiropractor. When her father, Bruce (Rob Stewart), goes to Australia to spend Christmas with her brother, Addie is left alone. She receives an accidental text from Maybel (Jayne Eastwood) intended for Maybel’s granddaughter, Paige. Addie and Maybel start talking and, when Maybel finds out that Addie will be alone for Christmas, the older woman invites her to spend the holiday with her family. With no other plans, Addie agrees.

Surprisingly, this wasn’t a terrible movie. It is a little annoying that it only takes place over three consecutive Christmases so we don’t get to see what anyone is doing during the rest of the year. It would have been nice to see Addie spend some time with her father since he goes to visit her brother every year - even though they are supposed to switch off spending Christmas with him. We see them have one dinner every year, which is when he tells her that he’s leaving again. From what we see, Maybel is a better parental figure to Addie than her own father.

The characters are rather two-dimensional so don’t go into this thinking you’re going to get anything deep out of it. The only time we see any of Addie’s other boyfriends is through her phone - one via social media and the other via phone calls. I know this is supposed to be about the Christmases that Addie and Maybel spend together. It just would have been nice to get to know them better as people.

Rating: I’m ready for the sequel where they spend every Easter together

Where Are You, Christmas? | 2023 Christmas Movies

I have to admit - the commercials for this one got me. A movie that does a reverse Wizard of Oz? It starts in color then goes black and white? It had me intrigued. But was it any good?

Addy (Lyndsy Fonseca) is an advertising executive whose job it is to market Christmas. However, Addy had lost her Christmas spirit. She is finally convinced to come home for the holiday but finds herself overwhelmed with the town’s celebrations. Addy makes a random wish for a year without Christmas. But did she really mean it?

Where Are You, Christmas? has such a cute concept. Addy’s wish makes everyone in town forget Christmas altogether and it’s up to her to make everyone remember again. I know that we couldn’t watch every single person come back to color but it would have been nice to see a few more people that aren’t directly connected to Addy somehow. But I do appreciate the ones that we did see.

This is the type of movie that someone who is looking for a little more than just a romantic Christmas movie. Interpersonal relationships of all kind are focused on here. Friends, lovers, parents and children. It really shows that we shouldn’t take anyone for granted and we should celebrate our loved ones at every chance.

Rating: Bring on the eggnog

Checkin' It Twice | 2023 Christmas Movies

Good old Hallmark gives us our first Christmas movie of the year, Checkin’ It Twice. I want this title to be a pun but if that is what they intended, it’s a terrible pun.

Ashley (Kim Matula) is a real estate agent living in New York City originally from Idaho Falls. Scott (Kevin McGarry) is a hockey player who has just been traded to a team in Idaho Falls. After a mix-up at the airport, the two become friends. Ashley helps Scott realize what he really wants out of life and Scott helps Ashley realize that maybe New York isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Of all of the boring Christmas movies I have watched, this may be the most boring. Literally nothing happens. There is the big airport mix-up with their debit cards, which is resolved in the first 15 minutes of the movie. There is a stupid game where they try to catch plastic fish ornaments out of a container of other Christmas ornaments. But that is about it. They talk about decorating a Christmas tree but we don’t actually get to see it happening. (Well, they stand next to the tree with ornaments in their hands. That doesn’t count.) And the biggest Christmas faux pas?

THERE IS NO KISS.

Hallmark made me sit through 90 minutes of nothing and I don’t even get The Kiss at the end. Bah. No one watches romance movies for there to be no romance. This is more like a “becoming friends” movie.

Rating: Not Worth Your Time

We're (almost) back, baby!

This year has been a doozy. It took way longer than I hoped to recover from my eye injury. Even now, my eye still hurts sometimes. But at least I can watch movies and TV again.

Then my husband and I got Covid for the first time in September. That knocked me out for awhile and I still have a bit of a cough left over. But at least I have the attention span to watch movies and TV again.

You have probably noticed by now that I have, sadly, missed most of scary movie season. I’d like to try to get one or two movie reviews up before Halloween. We’ll see how it goes.

BUT. I will be returning for my annual Christmas movie extravaganza. I have decided to remove the UpTV movies from my schedule because they were all pretty terrible. I did decide to keep the Great American Family movies because I need to know what Candace Cameron Bure and Danica McKellar are up to. As of right now, this year’s lineup includes both Hallmark channels, Lifetime, Great American Family, Disney+, and Hulu. If anything interesting on another channel pops up, I’ll probably add that too. Feel free to send me any suggestions for new Christmas movies this season. Let’s get ready to get jolly!

An Update

Hi all,

As you can see, I haven’t posted any reviews since February 6. Here is why: On February 7, I was diagnosed with a large corneal abrasion that made seeing extremely painful. I spent the rest of that week sitting in the dark with my eyes closed. Thankfully, podcasts are a thing so I was able to have some form of entertainment.

Fast forward to today, February 17, my eye is almost healed. I am no longer wearing an eyepatch and my vision is no longer blurry. However, now I’m extremely sensitive to light. I have a very difficult time watching television. My husband and I went to the movies earlier this week to see Winnie-The-Pooh: Blood and Honey, which we have been looking forward to and I really wanted to write a review. Sadly, I spent a lot of the movie with my eyes closed because the scenes with bright lights hurt them too much.

So, I am still healing. I have to be patient, which I’m not very good at. I definitely plan on returning to review movies. I’m just not sure how long that will take. I can’t review a movie if I can’t actually watch it. Until I return, I will be healing and, when I come back, maybe I’ll talk about some of the podcasts and other things that have kept me entertained in my downtime.

Thank you for your continued support!

Crush | Movie Review

Hulu released a teen romcom last year called Crush. To me, that title sounds more like a horror movie than a romcom. Well, let’s see how horrific it is.

Paige (Rowan Blanchard) is a high school student dreaming of attending an elite art school. She needs to submit a piece of art based on the prompt “your happiest moment.” All of the moments she can think of revolve around her crush, Gabby Campos (Isabella Ferreira). When the school principal accuses Paige of being KingPun, a local artist leaving pun-themed graffiti on the walls, she agrees to join the track team as an extracurricular and find out the true identity of KingPun. Gabby’s sister, AJ (Auli’i Cravalho), is assigned to train Paige, who is painfully unathletic. As she spends more time with AJ, Paige finds that she no longer likes Gabby. She now has a crush on AJ. But this only complicates things. Oh, and she still has to figure out who is behind KingPun!

Crush was a pretty cute movie. It seemed a little weird that a majority of the characters were gay but maybe that is just the group of kids Paige hangs around. Or maybe it’s because the whole movie revolves around Paige’s emotions. The writers didn’t want her crushing on a straight girl because there would be no resolution there so they had to put almost everyone on the LGBTQ+ spectrum.

I think my biggest issue with Crush is that there isn’t a lot of substance in the plot. Paige didn’t dig too deeply to try to figure out the identity of KingPun. Either we should have seen Paige trying harder to figure out her submission artwork or they should have spent more time trying to figure out KingPun. As it is, we’re mostly treated to track team antics. Which, by the way, everyone seems to be on the track team too. This is a very small world she lives in.

Since there were a few cute moments in the movie, I’m rating it a 3 out of 5. It could have been a lot worse but it could have been a whole lot better.

Wedding Season | Movie Review

The funniest part about not knowing a lot about romantic comedies is that I don’t really know what to look for when I’m searching for a movie. I just pop into the “romance” category and cross my fingers. Is there some sort of romcom database somewhere? It would be helpful.

Asha (Pallavi Sharda) is a successful economist works in microfinance to get loans for women in impoverished countries to start their own businesses. Her mother, Suneeta (Veena Sood), is desperate to find the right man for her daughter so she writes an online dating profile for Asha without Asha’s knowledge. One of the men that replies is Ravi (Suraj Sharma). Well, it’s Ravi’s parents that reply, setting them up on a date. The first date goes badly but Asha and Ravi agree to fake date in order to keep unwanted attention away from themselves during wedding season, when they have 14 weddings to attend. They end up spending so much time together that the fake dating turns real.

While this was a fairly standard romcom plot with the twist of Indian culture, I found myself enjoying Wedding Season. None of the characters came off as annoying or outrageous. Even all of the parents and aunties in the movie came off as lovingly overbearing. There is one part where Ravi’s parents are a little too much and my heart broke knowing what he had to go through growing up. But even they come around at the end to apologize for their misdeeds.

Yes, Wedding Season is full of tropes. But it was enjoyable and easy to watch. I’m giving it a 4 out of 5 with the hopes that DJ Spellbound can perform at one of my parties.

The People We Hate At The Wedding | Movie Review

You know, I’m not completely sure The People We Hate At The Wedding fits the romcom category. But Amazon listed it as both a comedy and a romance movie so I watched it. Now that I did…I’m not completely sure it’s a comedy either.

Eloise (Cynthia Addai-Robinson) is the first child of Donna (Allison Janney), from her first marriage to Henrique (Isaach De Bankolé) when she lived in England. After they broke up, Donna moved to the United States, married her second husband Bill (Andy Daly), and had two more children: Paul (Ben Platt) and Alice (Kristen Bell). As the children grew up, they grew distant. Now Eloise is about to get married and she has invited her American family to join her, much to their dismay.

This is another movie where almost all of the characters are terrible people. Alice is sleeping with her married boss, Paul is a therapist at a terrible clinic attempting to treat OCD through exposure therapy, Paul’s boyfriend Dominic (Karan Soni) bullies Paul into doing whatever he wants to do, Donna may have abandoned Eloise as a teenager…it’s kinda hinted at but not actually stated, Henrique sleeps around with much younger women. Eloise is the best of the characters and the one we’re supposed to sympathize with. However, she has done her fair share of terrible things as well. While it can be fun watching a dumpster fire, it would have been great if the fire was put out a little sooner.

I suppose, in the end, I would give The People We Hate a 3 out of 5. It definitely would have ranked higher if EVERYONE wasn’t so terrible. I guess Dennis (Dustin Milligan) is a good guy but he’s only in like 4 scenes. He barely counts as a character. I need someone actually in the movie to cheer for!

You People | Movie Review

I had heard that You People was a terrible movie. Of course that means I had to watch it. I’m not sure that it’s terrible but I’m not sure that it’s good either.

Ezra (Jonah Hill) is a Jewish man who falls in love with Amira (Lauren London), a black woman. When the two get engaged, they have to figure out how to blend both their families and their cultures without anyone getting hurt or offended. It is much more difficult than either imagined.

Hm. Let me start off by saying that I didn’t hate You People. It has an extremely strong cast - Eddie Murphy, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Nia Long, David Duchovny, and so many cameos that I couldn’t possibly name everyone. They were wonderful. My problem is the script.

I’m not really sure what the point of the movie was. Sure, it was about how cultures are different but, at the same time, it didn’t do anything to resolve the culture issue. Instead, they made Amira’s dad, Akbar (Murphy), a straight up asshole to Ezra. It wasn’t about culture. It wasn’t about Ezra not understanding black problems in the world. It was about Akbar not wanting his daughter to date a white man but he didn’t want to admit it. On the other side, Ezra’s mother, Shelley (Louis-Dreyfus), tries to center everything around herself. When Amira first meets the family and tells them what she does for a living, Shelley literally makes it about herself. At no point does she ever try to understand Shelley or learn more about her as a person. She just wants to be seen as “not racist” so instead she’s a jerk.

If all of the family members had come together with the intention of actually meeting each other and learning more about who they are, this might have been an amazing movie. But no. It’s about Who Has It Worse - Black People or Jewish People. And I wish I could say that it was only the parents who had this mindset. But we don’t even see Ezra and Amira talking to each other about their cultures and their differences. We only see Ezra learning about the black experience through his podcast co-host, Mo (Sam Jay). And even that barely scrapes the surface.

I would love to tell everyone to go watch this movie. That they will learn so much about people who live different lives. But no. All you will learn is that Jonah Hill is sarcastic and Lauren London is gorgeous. And, really, you should have known that before the movie even started. I give it a 2.5 out of 5.