Our Christmas Wedding | 2023 Christmas Movies

I understand that a lot of people think a Christmas wedding is the epitome of romance. Christmas weddings could be really nice. Our Christmas Wedding mucks it all up.

Nicole (Holly Deveaux) and Michael (Drew Seeley) got engaged at Thanksgiving. While looking at venues for next year, they find that Nicole’s perfect venue, where her parents got married, will be closing at Christmas. With the help of Nicole’s boss, Kim (Brigitte Kingsley), they try to plan a wedding in two weeks. But can their relationship survive the stress?

This is another case of “could have been a good movie but wasn’t.” While I, personally, think it’s stupid to try to plan an entire wedding in two weeks, I do know that it could be a really good movie plot. The problem here lies with Kim, Nicole’s boss. Instead of listening to what Nicole and Michael want for their wedding, she keeps insisting that her choices are correct. For example, Michael wants a wedding cake that isn’t boring vanilla. Kim convinces Nicole that vanilla is the best choice for a wedding cake because it won’t offend anyone. Kim also pushes Nicole to either be super late or cancel any date plans she makes with Michael with a “Oh, he’ll understand.” Then, professionally, Kim won’t let Nicole complete any of her work for this big presentation due “next week” then makes Nicole cancel another date with Michael to focus solely on the presentation when the client insists on moving it to “the next day.”

The worst part? Toward the end of the movie, Kim apologizes and both Nicole and Michael say it’s not her fault. WHAT?!?! It’s ENTIRELY her fault! If Kim didn’t insist on planning the wedding - if Kim was only Nicole’s boss - so many of the problems wouldn’t have happened. Planning a wedding is stressful enough. You don’t need someone trying to sabotage your relationship at the same time. Kim is pointless and I wish her character didn’t exist.

Rating: Elope instead

The Santa Summit | 2023 Christmas Movies

The Santa Summit is a bit like Cinderella thrown into Christmas season. Maybe masquerade parties are bad ideas…

Three teachers: Jordin (Hunter King), Ava (Amy Groening), and Stella (Stephanie Sy) decide to have some fun and maybe brighten their dreary love lives by attending this year’s Santa Summit. Since all of the participants wear Santa suits as they travel around town, Jordin has a difficult time reconnecting with the mysterious man she met at the first stop of the day. At the same time, Ava is trying to find her crush so she can confess her feelings and Stella needs to find her passion for life again. Will their Christmas dreams come true?

I wasn’t sure how I was going to like this movie at first. Stella seemed like such…well…a bitch, for a lack of a better term. She didn’t want to do anything besides go home and sleep. But the adorableness of Ava and Jordin kept me pushing through. In the end, this was a really fun jaunt that made me want to try to find a Santa Summit-esque event in my town. If only we could all have a Hallmark movie event like this in real life. It would be pretty darn awesome.

Rating: Getting down at the silent disco

A Dash of Christmas | 2023 Christmas Movies

Sometimes I wonder what writers are thinking of when they write these scripts. A Dash of Christmas is one of those times.

Megan (Laura Osnes) is a marketing executive who has recently lost her job. Luckily, another job prospect pops up but she needs to film a video of her baking in order to land it. Aaron (Christopher Russell), a local bakery owner, helps her learn how to bake so she can land her dream job.

So. Megan is in marketing. Why do these movies think that marketing people need to be able to do the thing they are trying to market? They don’t. They need to know how to get people to click on the link or get into the shop or read the article or whatever. They don’t have to actually DO the thing. This movie should have gone with Megan being sad because she lost her job so she takes a baking class to try to make herself feel better. In the class, she meets Aaron and they find out that, with her marketing skills, they can take his bakery to the next level and find love along the way. That is so much more interesting.

Rating: Leave the fruitcake alone

Never Been Chris'd | 2023 Christmas Movies

Never Been Chris’d is a different sort of Christmas romance movie. Let’s jump right into it…

Naomi (Janel Parrish) and Liz (Pascal Lamothe-Kipnes) have been best friends forever. When they come home for the holidays, they bump into their high school crush, Chris Silver (Tyler Hynes). Will reconnecting with him change their lives forever?

So, yes, this is a Christmas romance movie. However, Christmas (and Hanukkah!) play a very minor part. As a matter of fact, the romance itself plays a minor part as well. Instead, Never Been Chris’d is more about the friendship between Naomi and Liz and how they can grow as people without growing apart. Chris is more like a catalyst for them to speak up for themselves instead of being the end all life goal.

To be honest, the fact that female friendship takes precedence over romantic love makes me enjoy this movie a lot more than I normally would. I mean, both Naomi and Liz are kinda terrible characters. Somehow they are both extremely selfish yet not willing to stand up for themselves at the same time. But I am a big sucker for a movie where the women don’t really need the man to progress their lives. We could easily take Chris entirely out of the movie and very little would change. It is quite refreshing. Especially for Hallmark.

Rating: Best Friends Forever, no man needed

Flipping For Christmas | 2023 Christmas Movies

We are back in the real estate game with Hallmark’s Flipping For Christmas. Historically, real estate Christmas movies have not done very well. But this one also adds in house renovation. Will that make it better?

Abigail (Ashley Newbrough) is a realtor who agrees to help her sister, Claire (Natalie Lisinska), with a simple house flip. Little does she know that Claire’s husband wasn’t the only one to inherit said house. Handyman Bo (Marcus Rosner) wants to turn the house into a bed & breakfast. Who will win?

While there were some sweet moments between Abigail and Bo, there were also some weird ones. Shortly after they first meet and start working on the house together, Bo initiates a paint fight with Abigail. Maybe it’s just me but I don’t think I’m starting a flirty fight with someone I just met. A few days later, he does the same thing when they are looking for a Christmas tree. Abigail wasn’t really putting out the “Hey, I like you” vibes but Bo takes every opportunity to play-flirt with her. It felt odd to me.

After all that, I didn’t find the movie unwatchable. Maybe a little uncomfortable but it could have been worse.

Rating: Barely a flip but not a flop

My Christmas Guide | 2023 Christmas Movies

Pretty much every Christmas romance movie I have seen that features dogs has been terrible. Actually, they are worse than terrible. I would like My Christmas Guide to be better but I’m not very hopeful.

Trevor (Ben Mehl) is a blind college professor with a young daughter, Annie (Ava Weiss). Peyton (Amber Marshall) trains guide dogs. When she sees dog-less Trevor picking Annie up from school one day, Peyton makes it her mission to get Trevor a guide dog.

I am not seeing impaired nor do I know anyone who is. So my opinion on a lot of this doesn’t count for much. I thought it was awfully presumptuous of Peyton to just assume that Trevor wants or needs a guide dog. To the point that she didn’t actually stop and talk to him. No, she left paperwork at Annie’s school saying something like “Hey, you know that kid with the blind dad? Can you give this to her?” What the hell, lady.

As I said, I can’t speak on whether the guide dog parts are accurate but I can speak about the romance. For most of the movie, Peyton has an awful boyfriend named Chad (Justin Nurse). Chad is such an awful person that I have no idea how Peyton stayed with him for ten months. (Yes, they say they have been together for TEN MONTHS.) While we do get to see the romance blossoming between Trevor and Peyton, I would have really liked it if Chad didn’t exist at all. Peyton is a strong woman that owns her own business. Why did we have to give her a boyfriend that demeans and ignores her at every opportunity? He’s completely unnecessary.

Thankfully, My Christmas Guide wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. It’s actually something I would probably watch again.

Rating: Can I get one of those puppies?

Journey To Christmas | 2023 Christmas Movies

I think we might have the first “teaching someone how to Christmas” movie for this season. After all, people that don’t have large families don’t know how to celebrate Christmas, right? That is what Journey To Christmas would like us to believe.

Cali Caldwell (Ash Tsai) is an influencer-turned-model who is going on a charity press tour from New York to California. Her manager has hired Jack (Joey Heyworth) to drive her to across the country. However, a midwestern snowstorm strands them at Jack’s family home in Illinois. Can Cali make it in time?

There are definitely some cute moments in there. Tsai is absolutely adorable as Cali, especially when she’s helping others. When Cali learned that she would be actually cutting down a Christmas tree with Jack, I think I would have the same stunned reaction. But my favorite is how, even though he barely knows her, Jack supports Cali’s dreams without hesitation. I know that this is a rather typical trope of these Christmas romance movies but, somehow, Heyworth had me believing in these two much more than any other Christmas couple.

Of course, every movie needs their villain and Cali’s manager, Max (Jeffrey Hanson), fills that role. A little too well, if you ask me. I understand that Cali is supposed to be young but Max is so awful to her that I have no idea why she keeps him around. He’s supposed to work for her, not the other way around.

Rating: Make me a fancy dress and invite me to their wedding

Joyeux Noel | 2023 Christmas Movies

The commercials for Joyeux Noel were pretty deceiving. They made it seem like this was a random woman wandering a Christmas market looking for love. Not once did they mention the Christmas mystery! I should have been looking forward to this one.

Lea (Jaicy Elliot) is a copy editor longing to be a reporter. When the newspaper’s lead Christmas story falls through, Lea convinces the editor to allow her to travel to France to try to find the story behind a long lost love from a local Christmas market. The editor agrees, as long as she brings ace reporter Mark (Brant Daugherty) with her.

Finally! We get a mystery movie where they actually try to solve the mystery. Granted, Lea isn’t great at sleuthing in the beginning but Mark shows her the ropes and they start investigating. And, sure, it’s not some deep dark unsolvable thing. It’s a bit of a fluff piece about past romance but there is a valid and sweet ending to their story. I actually found myself enjoying the movie more than I expected. (I even loved the running joke of tourists always bumping into locals.)

Rating: A different kind of French twist

Bringing Christmas Home | 2023 Christmas Movies

Great American Family’s Bringing Christmas Home is the first of the military-related movies this year. OK, I don’t know there are more military-related movies coming but there is usually at least a couple of them. It’s a pretty safe bet.

Russell (Paul Greene) runs an antique store with his sister, Jules (Jess Brown). When he finds a World War 2 uniform in a pile of donated items, Russell decides that he must get the uniform back to the soldier’s family. He enlists the help of Caroline (Jill Wagner), a retired military officer who is now a military history professor. Can they find the soldier’s family before Christmas?

I wish this move was more interesting. They could have easily made this a mystery movie but they didn’t. The movie spends more time following Caroline around and on her emotional journey than it does on the actual uniform. I don’t need to see Caroline buy and decorate a Christmas tree. I need to see them actually translating the cryptic letters and doing actual research. For someone with a master’s degree in military history, Caroline kinda sucks at it.

There have definitely been some good military Christmas movies in the past. Why do they have to keep giving us this crap? We can honor our soldiers without making them look dumb.

Rating: Lost to time

Mystic Christmas | 2023 Christmas Movies

This may be bad. We’re barely a week into Christmas movie season and I’m already bored. At least Mystic Christmas has some animals? Well, one animal anyway.

Juniper (Jessy Schram) comes to Mystic, Connecticut for the holiday season to work at a rehabilitation center preparing a seal to be released back into the wild. A former flame, Sawyer (Chandler Massey), not only lives in Mystic but is the brother of the aquarium manager, Candace (Patti Murin). Will Juniper finally settle down or will she continue to run from her feelings?

Yeah, this movie was boring. Peppermint the seal might be the best part of the movie and she’s barely in it. Nothing really happens. It’s a lot of Juniper trying her best to avoid interaction with anyone because she’s “an introvert.” (Note: Introverts don’t hate being around people. They just need some time to themselves to recharge.) So a lot of the story revolves around people, mostly Candace, trying to get Juniper to open up to the townspeople and have fun. Which would have been fine if they made it interesting. It would have been more interesting if Juniper used the seals more to show how she interacts with animals better than humans.

Here’s to hoping we get a good movie soon. I don’t want to be bored this early in the season!

Rating: Fish out of water