Lisa Frankenstein (2024)

I don’t want to write an intro for this one. My husband and I saw Lisa Frankenstein this past weekend and I want to talk about it.

After her mother’s brutal murder, Lisa (Kathryn Newton) and her father, Dale (Joe Chrest), have moved in with his new wife, Janet (Carla Gugino), and Janet’s cheerleader daughter, Taffy (Liza Soberano). At a party Taffy insisted she attend, Lisa is drugged and sexually assaulted. As she stumbles home, Lisa stops at one of her favorite places - an abandoned cemetery featuring the grave of an unmarried young man (Cole Sprouse). Lisa tells him how she wishes she could be with him before going home. That night, a ball of green lightning strikes the grave, bringing the man to life. He kills Lisa’s bullies in order to take parts of their bodies to complete his. As he becomes more complete, Lisa begins to fall in love with him.

This was probably the best movie I have seen in a long time. We laughed, we gasped, and we both loved it. Thankfully, while this is listed as a horror comedy, it isn’t too “horror.” There isn’t anything gory and, unless you have an aversion to bugs, there aren’t any scenes that will make you cover your eyes. This is the perfect movie for someone who wants to watch something scary but doesn’t want to watch anything over the top like a slasher. Lisa Frankenstein really felt like a movie made for someone like me. I can’t recommend it enough!

Rating: A+

A Scottish Love Scheme (2024)

Hallmark must really have a thing for Scotland now. In 2021, there was A Castle For Christmas. 2023 was A Merry Scottish Christmas. And now they gave us A Scottish Love Scheme. How many Hallmark movies can Scotland handle?

Lily (Erica Durance) has recently left her job marketing for a family brewery. Now she has time to take a mother-daughter trip to Scotland with her mom, Cait (Jo Cameron Brown), to visit their friends, the Campbells. While they are there, Cait schemes with her old friend, Mairi (Juliet Cadzow), to set Lily up with Mairi’s son, Logan (Jordan Young).

For a movie that claims to be about schemes, there isn’t a lot of scheming going on. Unless you want to count Mairi telling Logan that he should take Lily to dinner at a specific restaurant a “scheme.” I think schemes are supposed to be kinda secret, right? With the exception of one instance toward the beginning of the movie, Cait and Mairi must think their kids are pretty stupid to not realize what they are doing. Then again, Lily and Logan never say anything about it so maybe they are stupid…

If we look beyond the unschemey schemes, the rest of the movie is just fine. A little boring, as usual, but there is nothing particularly offensive about it. Everything just takes a very long time to happen. I would have liked it a little more if Cait and Mairi were a little more sneaky about what they were doing. Maybe make this a bit more of a mystery romance instead. Well, at least we got some really pretty shots of Scotland.

Rating: B-

Paging Mr. Darcy (2024)

The first movie in Hallmark Channel’s Jane Austen series is titled Paging Mr. Darcy. Yes, most of these movies are “Pride and Prejudice” themed. Hopefully this won’t be too bad.

Eloise Cavendish (Mallory Jansen) is a literary professor who specializes in Jane Austen. She is the keynote speaker at this year’s Jane Austen League of America conference. While at the conference, she plans on visiting her sister, Mia (Lillian Doucet-Roche), and meet Dr. Victoria Jennings (Carolyn Scott), a member of the hiring committee at Princeton. After her plane lands, she meets Sam (Will Kemp) dressed as Mr. Darcy. Much to Eloise’s dismay, he is to be her guest liaison for the entire conference. She would rather not partake in the romanticism of Austen’s works. But she does need to impress Dr. Jennings…

I will admit that I’m not a big Jane Austen fan. It’s possible that most of these movies will go right over my head. With that noted, Paging Mr. Darcy is rather boring. Eloise is against all of the costumes and the ball and the general party vibe of the conference. But from what I saw, all of that barely took place. Sure, Sam was dressed as Mr. Darcy most of the time but that was his job. And even then, he took some pictures with some attendees in the beginning then he was busy crafting bonnets with Dr. Jennings, who happens to be his aunt, or hanging out with Eloise - teaching her how to dance, making desserts for the ball, or just randomly chatting. If I was an attendee, I might think this was the worst conference ever. Especially with a keynote speaker that didn’t even want to be there!

Since this is the first movie in the Loveuary series, I’m really hoping the other movies will be better. Hallmark has this weird tendency to put the worst movies in the beginning of the season and the really good ones either smack dab in the middle or at the very end. Cross your fingers the rest of these are better.

Rating: C-

Betty's Bad Luck In Love (2024)

Hallmark is pulling their weight with the February romance movies. Be warned - while I have Betty’s Bad Luck In Love right now, Hallmark is doing a “Loveuary” thing featuring movies about Jane Austen. There will be 4 movies, one each week. But let’s see what Betty is up to first.

Because Betty (Laci J. Mailey) chose to talk to the cute boy at school, a rival girl cursed her with bad luck in love for the rest of her life. As an adult, every time Betty gets close to a guy, she immediately shuts down the relationship, fearing the worst will happen to him. Can she find a way to break the curse and find love?

I’m not going to lie. Betty’s Bad Luck In Love is kinda terrible. Our title character spends almost the entire movie freaking out at every little thing her current beau, Alex (Marco Grazzini), does then complains to her best friend, Mya (Meghan Heffern), about it. Keep in mind that these are all adults. Alex plays rugby in his free time. Betty literally goes to one of his scrimmage games and storms into the field to stop the game so he doesn’t get hurt. And somehow Alex forgives her atrocious behavior. Even if you are worried about a loved one getting hurt, that is part of life. Especially when we’re talking about adults that can make their own decisions. Does she think that Alex doesn’t know the risks of playing a game like rugby?

Then there’s her relationship with Mya. Mya is getting married to Raul (Daylin Willis). As Mya plans the wedding (with very little help from her best friend, by the way), she is running into snags. Her florist can’t get the flowers she wants, the reception venue she booked is double booked, her soon-to-be mother-in-law demands Mya invites her friends to the wedding. All things that can be very big problems. Betty helps a little with the flower issue (by looking up flowers on her phone) but kinda shrugs off the other problems with an “Oh, I’m sorry” then goes back to complaining about her love life. She really is an awful friend.

I was hoping that this was going to be more entertaining. Instead, it’s mostly whining. They could have gone with a magic theme…that would have been cool. They could have gone with a Murphy’s Law type of theme. Nope, they chose a hysterical woman upset over absolutely nothing. This should not be on the Hallmark channel.

Rating: D

Argylle (2024)

Argylle is making it into my February romance movie reviews under a technicality. There is a bit of a romance in there, even though it’s not the main plotline. Also, I just wanted to talk about it a bit.

Elly Conway (Bryce Dallas Howard) is the author of the popular spy novel series starring Agent Argylle. After her most recent book release, she meets Aidan Wilde (Sam Rockwell), who claims to be a real life spy trying to save her life. When his claims turn out to be true, Elly and Aidan travel around the world trying to bring down the evil Division, headed by Director Ritter (Bryan Cranston).

First, let me say that I didn’t pay attention to the whole “who is the real Elly Conway” controversy. I knew that the Argylle book that was released in the real world was nothing more than a marketing plot for the movie. Marvel did the same thing when they released “Look Out For The Little Guy” by Scott Lang for Ant-Man and The Wasp: Quantumania. (Yes, I own that book and, yes, the author’s name on the book is Scott Lang not Paul Rudd or the ghostwriter.) It makes much more sense than thinking Taylor Swift took time out of recording albums and touring to write a book under someone else’s name.

As for the movie itself, I went in expecting something that would be entertaining but not amazing. And that is about what it is. There is some terrible dialogue, there is some really really awful dancing, and there are a lot of scenes that are there to look pretty not make sense. The big plot twist is easy to predict but the acting isn’t too bad. The problem lies more with the script and how scenes are shot over anything else. I think the movie would have been a lot better if they went with the twist they promised in the trailers over the one they actually used.

I didn’t hate it. I didn’t love it. And I probably wouldn’t watch it again. As for the romance, it felt forced and unnecessary. It would have been better if they had fallen in love naturally. Maybe they need to watch some Hallmark movies.

Rating: C

Shortcomings (2023)

Shortcomings is another random movie I found under the romance category on Netflix. This movie made me wished I planned the movies I watch more.

Ben (Justin H. Min) is a manager at a failing movie theater. He is unhappy with his life, including his relationship with Miko (Ally Maki). When Miko moves to New York City for a three-month internship and his best friend, Alice (Sherry Cola), goes to New York City for a new girlfriend, Ben doesn’t know what to do with himself. Thinking that white women are the ideal, he tries to date one of his employees, Autumn (Tavi Gevinson). When that fails, he tries to date Sasha (Debby Ryan). When that also fails, he follows Miko and Alice to New York City, only to find that they have both found better lives there.

So…I think I know what the movie was trying to say. I think it was mostly about internal hatred and racism and how that effects your relationship with others. Because if that isn’t what this was about, Ben is a complete and total asshole. I mean, he’s a jerk either way but if he hates himself so much, it is a little more understandable. Unfortunately, we don’t really get any internal dialogue from him. All we have to go on are his actions, which, in case you haven’t gotten it yet, all suck. He is a terrible person.

However, you can have a good movie with a terrible lead character. It isn’t unheard of. But I’m not sure this is a good movie. It’s not a bad movie. It just feels like it’s missing something. If we knew a little more about what was happening inside Ben’s head, it might give us a little more insight as to why he is so awful to people he’s supposed to love. I understand that this movie is aimed at an Asian American audience. I am not their target audience. And maybe that is why I feel so confused about Ben’s intentions.

Rating: B-

Romance With A Twist (2024)

Unsurprisingly, Hallmark has some romance movies to get us ready for Valentine’s Day this year. And it’s starting with Romance With A Twist.

Luna (Jocelyn Hudon) was a dancer before life cancelled her plans. Now she works for her family’s construction company. As acts are getting ready for the town’s new arts festival, aerialist Bennett (Olivier Renaud) is suddenly without a partner. Bennett’s sister, Gabby (Candice Lidstone) suggests Luna. Begrudgingly Bennett agrees to train the former dancer to use aerial silks. But will she be able to learn them in time for their show at the festival?

Going into this, I fully expected the half-hearted attempts at reality that we get with the Christmas movies. However, I found out that Renaud was actually a circus perform and Hudon was actually a ballet dancer. Yes, Hallmark has cast actors that really have the same skillset as their characters! It definitely gave the movie a more realistic feel.

While the acting and the stunts were very good, the script was a little thin. We didn’t quite get to see Luna and Bennett falling in love. Luna seemed to have a bit of a crush on Bennett, presumably because she saw his rippling muscles, but we never get the sense that Bennett enjoys being in Luna’s company. He spends a lot of the movie almost brooding about random stupid things.

Despite that, I enjoyed the movie. Moreso for the aerial silks, which I do wish they used more. Of all of the Hallmark-esque romance movies I have watched, this is one of the better ones.

Rating: B+

Beautiful Disaster (2023)

I have this weird sort of fascination with the Sprouse twins. Mostly because I can never remember which is which and they seem to pick strange roles to play. I kinda remember thinking I wanted to watch Beautiful Disaster when it came out but then I immediately forgot about it. Thankfully, streaming exists.

Abby (Virginia Gardner) was raised to be an amazing poker player. She runs away from Las Vegas and her father to go to college, moving in with her friend, America (Libe Barer). The first night Abby is there, Mer takes her to a secret underground fight club where Abby meets Travis (Dylan Sprouse), one of the fighters. They have an instant connection but Abby is adamant about not getting into a relationship with him. However, the two make a bet at Travis’ next fight. If he wins, Abby has to live with him for a month. Of course, he wins. Toward the end of the month, Abby gets a desperate call from her father needing her to come back to Las Vegas to win $100,000 to get him out of trouble. She leaves without saying anything to anyone. Travis finds out and follows her to Vegas, where he agrees to another fight in order to win the money.

If you couldn’t tell by this description, Beautiful Disaster is all over the place. The will-they-won’t-they in the beginning was actually kinda interesting. It was a little annoying that Travis was so perfect. We never see him lose a fight; with the exception of one time, we never see him do anything terribly bad (I’m not counting amateur underground fighting as bad); and he is frequently an attentive and ideal boyfriend. The movie wants us to think he’s a “bad boy” because he fights but he is completely the opposite.

And that is where the majority of the movie lies. With their budding relationship. The whole ‘Abby saves her father’ plot takes up about a half hour, maybe 45 minutes, of the movie. It was almost like an afterthought. “Oh right, Abby is supposed to be this badass poker player. We should have her play poker more.” But then we don’t actually see her play poker. We see her distract the other players and pretend to be dumb at the game. Neither of those skills makes her an elite poker player. I wish they just spent the rest of the movie on their relationship and left this part out. Especially since there is a sequel that came out a few weeks ago. They could have put all of the poker stuff in there. It probably would have made this movie better.

Rating: B-

Happiness For Beginners

If you ever get bored, open Netflix, go to the categories section in the main menu, and pick a random category to see what they offer you. It’s wild what they list some movies as. For example, here is Happiness For Beginners, listed as a romcom but with very little romance or comedy.

Helen (Ellie Kemper) is a schoolteacher who is having a bit of a life crisis. To get herself back on track, she signs up for a hiking trip on the Appalachain Trail. Little did she know that her younger brother’s best friend, Jake (Luke Grimes), is also on the trip. Can Helen find herself again? And will she find love on the way?

For a movie about hiking and camping and the wilderness, this was so boring. We’re supposed to read into Jake’s longing glances at Helen but, to be honest, she is kind of a bitch to him. She yells at him a lot…until she has to take charge of her sub-group after one of the members gets injured. Oh, and she finds out about Jake’s disability. A lot of the plot happens in conversations so we don’t actually see things happening. I did find out that the movie is based on a book…maybe that is why there is so much talking and so little hiking done.

At the end, I’m not really left caring about any of these characters. I didn’t care when someone got hurt. I didn’t care when Helen suddenly took charge. I didn’t care when Jake dropped his big disability bombshell. I wish I could say that I recommended Happiness because the actors are actually good. But they aren’t given anything to work with. Their cardboard characters could have been dropped anywhere and this would have been exactly the same. I’m sad this wasn’t better.

Rating: C

Love At First Sight (2023)

Man, the beginning of the year is a bit of a bummer movie-wise. I want to be talking about the newest romcoms but there isn’t a lot that has come out yet. At least I have all of the 2023 movies to go through. Like Netflix’s Love At First Sight, which came out in September.

Hadley (Haley Lu Richardson) is a 20-year old woman traveling to London for her father’s wedding. When she misses her flight, she meets Oliver (Ben Hardy), a 22-year old British Yale student who is traveling to London for his mother’s memorial party. The two end up sitting next to each other for the six hour flight. They fall in love and try to reconnect once they have landed.

When I saw how slowly this movie began, I dreaded having to sit through it for 90 minutes. Thankfully, the pace does pick up once they get on the plane. This is based on a book, which I have not read, but I wouldn’t be surprised if that is where the slower pace comes from. In a book, you can go through a person’s history in a fascinating way. In a movie, when you have a third-party narrator telling you about a person’s history, it doesn’t have quite the same kick.

I am happy to say that once we got through the “who are these people” parts, Love At First Sight turned into a cute romcom. I liked watching Hadley and Oliver interacting with each other more than with other people. They seemed a little too self-centered when they weren’t together. And I would have liked it if the ending gave us more than just additional narration telling us what happens to them after the movie ends. A montage of pictures would have been nice. Despite all of that, the movie was decent. Probably not worth more than one watch though.

Rating: B