Hold Your Breath (2024)

Generally, Hulu’s Halloween releases aren’t great. But I decided to take a look at Hold Your Breath anyway.

Oklahoma, 1933 - Margaret (Sarah Paulson) has been left alone with her children, Rose (Amiah Miller) and Ollie (Alona Jane Robbins), as her husband travels east. However, life is not going well. There hasn’t been rain in months, giant dust storms frequent the area, and Maragret’s mental health is deteriorating. When Margaret begins to believe that a malicious presence in the dust storms is threatening her small family, she does what she must to protect them.

Hold Your Breath is a very slow movie. This works well in psychological thrillers where there is an amazing payoff. Unfortunately, we don’t get that payoff here. Instead of getting a big bad, things just kinda fizzle out at the end. I don’t know about anyone else but I was left wanting more. Preferably for Rose to step up to protect her deaf younger sister. We get a little bit of that but not nearly enough. Though the movie does leave a little bit open for a sequel if Hulu decides one should happen. I hope they don’t.

Rating: C-

Apartment 7A (2024)

It is only recently that I started watching scary movies. Suffice it to say, I have never actually seen Rosemary’s Baby. But I do know the general plot. I figured this was enough to watch Apartment 7A, the prequel to Rosemary’s Baby.

Terry (Julia Garner) is a dancer who gets badly injured on stage. Four months later, she has healed enough to dance but no one will hire “the girl who fell.” With no income, she is forced out of her apartment. After another failed audition, she meets Minnie (Dianne Wiest) and Roman (Kevin McNally), an elderly couple who offer her an apartment for free. Shortly after moving in, she meets theater producer Leo (Andrew Buchan), who happens to live in the same building. She goes to talk to him about a role in one of his shows but finds herself losing consciousness. The next morning, Leo casts her as a dancer in his show and Terry begins to get everything she ever wanted. But she keeps having sudden bouts of illness. A doctor informs her that she is pregnant but weird things keep happening. It can’t possibly be what all of the rumors say, right?

Even though I have never seen Rosemary’s Baby, I didn’t have any problems keeping up with Apartment 7A. Granted, there are some references that I didn’t get but it wasn’t anything that kept me from enjoying the movie. While it did seem a little slow at times, I found myself coming back into the story with ease. As a psychological thriller, there was no gore - only a few scenes with bodily injuries and some blood. I appreciate movies like that. It gives me a break from the overly bloody movies I usually watch during the Halloween season. If you are looking for something a little more “thinky” and a little less “bloody,” this one may be for you.

Rating: B

The Deliverance (2024)

Since Shudder let me down, I moved over to Netflix to check out The Deliverance. Somehow, I missed hearing much of anything about this one. So let’s check it out.

Ebony Jackson (Andra Day), her mother - Alberta (Glenn Close), and her three children - Nate (Caleb McLaughlin), Shante (Demi Singleton), and Andre (Anthony B. Jenkins) have just moved into a new home. Sadly, they are plagued by a number of personal problems. Alberta has cancer and her insurance stopped covering her treatment. Ebony has a history of alcohol abuse and physically abusing her children. As a result, Child Protective Services caseworker Cynthia (Mo’Nique) has to check up on the family frequently. However, since they have moved to the new house, the children have been exhibiting a variety of strange behaviors. It isn’t until Bernice (Aunjanue Ellis-Taylor), a Pentecostal pastor, tells Ebony that a demon is after her children that things start to come together.

Normally, I’m not a big fan of demon possession movies. A lot of them come off as hokey or over the top. This one was actually pretty good. While it is based on a true story, there were so many holes in that story that it needed a movie to make it make sense. Thankfully, The Deliverance did a good job of bringing the story together in an interesting way that kept my attention the entire time. Every time I thought I would pick up my phone to scroll through social media, something else happened to drag me back in.

Rating: B

In A Violent Nature (2024)

There were a few horror movies that popped up on streaming services in September that seemed interesting. In A Violent Nature was one of the movies Shudder produced this year. I wish that meant the movie was good…

A group of friends take a locket from the remains of a fire tower. Unfortunately, this was the only thing keeping the corpse of Johnny (Ry Barrett), a developmentally disabled man who died when he fell from the fire tower, in the ground. Johnny rises, stumbling through the forest in search of the locket. And he is willing to kill anyone who gets in his way.

In A Violent Nature is the most boring horror movie I have ever seen. The movie is based on the idea of “what if we followed Jason through the Friday the 13th franchise instead of following the victims? The answer is “please don’t do that. It’s stupid.” There are so many long, drawn-out shots with no soundtrack (beyond the natural sounds of the forest) of Johnny walking through the woods. And most of the time, we only see the back of him. There is one shot where we see his face and, to be honest, I wish we didn’t get that shot.

Most of the kills are also boring. The only interesting kill is the woman doing yoga on a mountain. Feel free to turn the movie off after that one. It doesn’t get any better. I have seen people say these are the best, most innovative kills they have ever seen. They are straight up lying.

Do not watch Violent Nature. As a matter of fact, let’s try to erase it from existence instead.

Rating: F

I Saw The TV Glow (2024)

In 2022, I reviewed a movie titled We’re All Going To The World’s Fair. I hated it. It was actually my number 1 worst movie that year. According to some other reviews, I just didn’t get it. Anyway, the writer/director for that movie released another movie, I Saw The TV Glow, which isn’t a sequel but it is the second part of a trilogy they will be releasing. I’m not sure I got this one either.

Owen (Ian Foreman) is a lonely 7th grader who meets Maddy (Brigette Lundy-Paine), a 9th grader, while his mother is voting. Maddy is reading an episodic guide about The Pink Opaque, a late night television show aimed at young adults. Unfortunately, Owen’s father (Fred Durst) won’t let Owen watch the show claiming it is for girls. Owen lies to his mother and sneaks over to Maddy’s house to watch the latest episode. Two years later, Owen (Justice Smith) and Maddy have bonded over the show. Maddy tells Owen she is going to run away. She asks Owen to go with her but he bails at the last minute. Shortly after Maddy goes missing, The Pink Opaque is cancelled. Eight years later, Maddy reappears, telling Owen that she has been living inside the show. She tells him how she paid someone to bury her alive then she woke up as Tara, one of the show’s main characters. Again, she tries to get Owen to come with her but he doesn’t. Instead, his life continues until he has a breakdown at work.

After I finished I Saw The TV Glow, I felt the same way I did at the end of World’s Fair. Normally I don’t look up other movie reviews before I write mine because I don’t want to be influenced by their opinions. However, I did look up some reviews since I saw so many saying that people missed the point of World’s Fair. It seems that TV Glow is an allegory for being transgender. I am not in that community so perhaps that is why the point of the movie went over my head. If you are in the community and you have watched this movie, please let me know your thoughts about it. I would love to know if there were signs that I missed.

With all of that said, can I recommend TV Glow? For me, the movie was extremely slow. I can’t say that I got a lot of enjoyment out of it. Perhaps I just shouldn’t watch any more Jane Schoenbrun movies. They don’t seem to be for me.

Rating: C

Happy Spooky Season!

Scary season has come upon us again! Once again, I will be reviewing 31 horror/suspense movies for the entire month of October. Also, starting October 19, I will be posting the 13-day Halloween advent calendar from XO Marshmallow over on my Instagram. Let the scares commence!

#AMFAD: All My Friends Are Dead (2024)

#AMFAD: All My Friends Are Dead appeared on my radar because it claimed to star JoJo Siwa. I’m not sure that I would say she stars in it. It’s really more like a feature. Well, let’s go…

A friends group, mostly made up of internet influencers, is heading to a music festival. On the way, their van breaks down. Police officer Shaw (Michaella Russell) happens past and recommends the group find someplace to stay because their van won’t be fixed until the next day. Sarah (Jade Pettyjohn), the only one in the group with no social media presence, finds them a house nearby. Shaw drives them to the house, promising to contact them when the van is fixed. One by one, each of the friends is murdered…apparent retaliation for the suicide of Collette (Siwa), a former friend of the group.

This is one of those movies that has a terrible plot, a lot of blood, and a fair amount of gore. It’s also one of those difficult to rate movies. All of the characters are terrible. But they are supposed to be terrible. That is why the entire plot happens. So…I don’t know. I can’t say that I enjoyed the movie but it’s not nearly as bad as some of the other horror movies I’ve watched. I guess if you are looking for a movie where a bunch of vapid college students get killed in weird ways…maybe you’ll enjoy it? At the very least, I don’t think you would regret watching it.

Rating: C

Terrifier 2 (2022)

Art the Clown is back in Terrifier 2. The first Terrifier movie was really bad. So bad that I’m not really sure why they made a second one. Since the third one is coming out later this year, let’s take a look at the second installment to see if it is any better.

Immediately after the events of Terrifier, Art the Clown (David Howard Thornton) has, somehow, been resurrected. After murdering the coroner, Art goes to a laundromat to clean his costume, where he sees a Little Pale Girl (Amelie McLain) dressed in a clown outfit similar to his own. A year later, high schooler Sienna (Lauren LaVera) is preparing her Halloween costume - an angel warrior based on sketches from her late father. Her younger brother, Jonathan (Elliott Fullam), has become obsessed with Art thanks to some artwork in their father’s sketchbook. It seems that their father has predicted that Sienna, as the angel warrior with a sword, will kill Art the Clown. But is that really possible?

First, let me say that this movie was better than the first. Not that it was difficult to accomplish. Does that make it a good movie though? Ehhhh.

The storyline is a big improvement. However, there are some very big plot holes that bug me. We never get a reason why the unnamed father of Sienna and Jonathan drew pictures of Art the Clown or why he predicted that this angel warrior he drew when Sienna was a “little girl” was going to kill him. Their father supposedly died of a brain tumor. Why would he know anything about Art? And why is Art attacking this family?

At least the characters or the acting makes up for it, right? Not really. Barbara (Sarah Voigt), mother to Sienna and Jonathan, is pretty awful to them. She spends most of her screen time screaming at the kids. It’s kinda annoying. The only person that isn’t terrible is Allie’s mom (Amy Russ), who only appears for about five minutes.

I wouldn’t say that the movie is worth watching. From what I can gather, if you plan on watching the third movie, you will need to watch this and the first movies. It might be better to avoid the franchise altogether.

Rating: D

The Watchers (2024)

If my father was a famous movie director, I don’t know that I would direct a movie that is supposed to be in the same general genre as his movies under my own name. Especially if I didn’t have a ton of directorial work already under my belt. Preferably work that isn’t like…my sister’s music videos or episodes of my dad’s television show. But I’m not a Shyamalan. What do I know…

Mina (Dakota Fanning) works in a pet shop in Ireland. On the 15th anniversary of her mother’s death, Mina’s boss asks her to deliver a rare bird to a zoo near Belfast. As she drives across the country, both her cell phone and her car break down in a dense forest. Mina begins walking through the forest to find help but she finds Madeline (Olwen Fouéré) instead. Madeline takes Mina to a building with a large mirrored window, where she is introduced to the other people living in “The Coop” - Ciara (Georgina Campbell) and Daniel (Oliver Finnegan). Together, they explain that there are “Watchers” outside that hide in burrows during the day and watch the humans at night. They must never go outside at night or the Watchers will kill them.

Normally, I would explain much more of the plot. I’m not going to do that here. To be honest, this short paragraph is way more interesting than the movie itself. I was 20 minutes in when I paused it to tell my husband what I thought the twist was. And I was right. Well, partially right. There were like two more unnecessary twists. Most of this movie was unnecessary.

I’m going to try to do this without spoilers but it might be difficult. Here is a list of things that the movie thought was super important but wasn’t:

• Mina’s mother’s death - this was supposed to be why Mina was so sad and anti-social but it happened FIFTEEN YEARS ago. She should have just gone to therapy. The whole movie could have happened without this event ever occurring.

• Daniel’s change of behavior - from what I hear, this happened very differently in the book. Yes, this movie is based on a book.

• The mythology behind the Watchers - the movie didn’t make this very interesting. I find the actual Irish mythology so intriguing but the movie did nothing with it.

While I never read the original book, there were so many things in the movie that could have been tweaked a bit more to actually make it spooky and exciting. Instead, we are given bland characters that we have no reason to care about, Watchers that are revealed too early then given lame reasons to be an antagonists, predictable twists that were just boring, and a script with the worst dialog. I appreciate that Ishana Night Shyamalan wants to be a writer/director like her father. But she really should have done more work - whether it was behind the scenes on other movies or taking more classes - before releasing a full-length movie of her own. The Watchers wasn’t worth our time or the $30million budget.

Rating: D-

The Cases Of Mystery Lane: Death Is Listening (2024)

I can’t get away from Hallmark. As I was scrolling through Peacock to find something interesting to watch, I came across The Cases of Mystery Lane: Death is Listening. I liked Aimee Garcia in Lucifer so I turned it on. Immediately, I was met with a Hallmark Media production logo. Goddammit.

Birdie (Garcia) and Alden Case (Paul Campbell) are a married couple who love true crime. They have just completed classes in order to become private investigators. When their favorite true crime writer/podcaster, Laurel St. James (Samantha Ferris), gets murdered, officer Ted Newton (Matt Hamilton) brings them in to help find the culprit.

Yeah, this is definitely a Hallmark Movies & Mysteries channel movie. Unfortunately, when I turned it on, I didn’t realize that this is the second movie in a series. As a result, I was a little confused about some things. Birdie is a lawyer that works for her mom…but she doesn’t seem to actually do any lawyering work. I have no idea what Alden does for a job. We only see him work on robots, which I think they called a hobby? They also seem to talk about relationship problems a lot but we never actually see any relationship problems. It makes no sense.

As for the story…it’s fine. Like a lot of Hallmark movies, things magically fall into place and there are no consequences when they accuse the wrong person of the murder. But it’s kitschy and cute, right? Eh, sorta. The acting is fine but the characters are weird. Alden finds a mouse in the house, which freaks him out A LOT. But instead of letting the exterminator that Birdie hired in to take care of the problem, he elects to try to build robots to take care of it? Birdie goes into her lawyer office and talks to her lawyer mother but then spends all of her time learning how to pick locks? I really don’t understand what world these two live in.

I think I am going to try to track down the first movie in the series to see if it explains anything. It was only released last year so I’m not sure how successful I will be in finding it. Sometimes Hallmark likes to hide their older movies. Until then, I can only recommend this movie as a decent turn-your-brain-off movie. Garcia is cute as Birdie and Campbell is…well…slightly annoying as Alden. But together they somehow manage to get the job done.

Rating: C